Lammas

Firstly, thank you all for for your well wishes, charmers! I'm not going to lie, part of me was like I got engaged, that's enough of a harvest!

It started out as an incredibly crappy fibro day for various reasons so my actual plans for the day were dashed. I managed a brief trip to a local farmer's market with Jow, to the liquor store next store and the butcher. There's something about butcher paper that feels magical, ditto for bakery paper. I'm going to incorporate it into my magical practice I think. We're suburbanites, there's nothing for us to personally harvest, but for $30 we got a beautiful harvest of fruit, vegetables and cheese. We also got a beautifully marbled piece of steak that we cooked with mushrooms and onions in red wine and freshly baked (not by me) pretzel rolls. We also got King Goblin and Harvest ales. I made a sour cream chocolate chip quick bread.

We made a pretty offering plate to our gods with incense and a candle I made and gave thanks and asked for our coming harvest to be plentiful and outlined what we harvested this year and contemplated harvest for next year.

Happy Lammas :)

Summer Solstice: As Is Tradition

Hi nice people! Thanks for joining the circus! So let's get right down to it. So far I've been celebrating Summer Solstice the super traditional way: by bleeding like a stuck pig with my period and being in a state of complete anxiety and shying away from the sun.

Maybe earlier in the week was a better example, getting local wine at the local winery, getting my spinning wheel (finally) fully assembled, picking out fresh localish food from the market, finishing up errands, cleaning the house so it sparkles but today . . .no.

This kitchen witch feels too strung out to even cook something today, J. and I will be going to Wegman's to get some kind of prepared meal that my picky stomach will perhaps not reject. I'm going to do a v. short bout of child care where hopefully I will just take the middle child to gymnastics where I can watch her and spin and not get into a battle of wills :: fingers crossed!::. I'm a nervous wreck, my hormones are on a horrific roller coaster so I feel clingy and needy (and then! Like I want to push other people away! Oh howdy I'm a treat today). I'm nervous because things are going waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too well for me. I'm used to struggle, I'm used to doing whatever it takes to survive, I'm used to failing and feeling like I've been punched in the face and leaping back up and doing it better, faster, stronger. Success rattles my cage horribly. I can fail a million times and it just inspires me more. But success? Manifesting what I've been working towards? Oh man, I become an anxious wreck who is curled in a ball on the couch.

I have three romantica pieces in final piles right now (and one of those is in contract), my pieces have been top o' the page on WitchVox, my first magical product launch was a success, my first craft fair was a success, my house is presentable, I look a little thinner and my chaotic schedule will be significantly more stable in the beginning of July giving me time to really focus on writing my kitchen witch book and going to the gym. Also, I've been to the dentist and will be scheduling my annual shortly. Did I mention that I will likely be completely out of credit card debt potentially six months to a year faster than I had planned and my finances for the month are working out fine?

Normal people would be all, Good show, self! Well done! Let's get an inexpensive bottle of champagne to celebrate and bask in our awesomeness!

*My* brain because of my background is all, hmmmm. This can't be right. How can I fuck this up? I know! Buy a ton of useless shit so there's no hope of getting out of debt, refuse to sit down and do the writing, make a mess of the house, maybe run something over like a nail or something or key my own new car and what can I do to fuck up all my healthy functioning relationships? Maybe you'd also like to pick at your failed marriage too just for funsies as this is when shit really started rolling down hill three years ago!

I haven't done any of that negative stuff yet (well. Except for some picking because as Carrie Bradshaw said, I'm an emotional cutter), but it's a struggle honestly. All I can think is oh shit oh shit oh shit what's going to go wrong? I'm used to thriving in chaos, I did for the first 28 years of my life. It's hard to not create drama to distract myself from what I'm attempting to do because then I don't have to be real and being real sometimes is . . hard. But I never want to find myself in a position where I've created a mask for myself that I can't take off, that scares the piss out of me.

So here's my Solstice celebration: terrified, panicky and likely eating food out of a tin and hiding from the outside world as much as possible. Happy Solstice!

La Luxure Attracting Solid Parfum Launch

This dreamily sensual rich fragrance is a sexy rose base with notes of coquettish jasmine, warm ginger, creamy coconut, decadent champagne and a pop of creamy pink sparkle. Each tin is covered with a hand embroidered piece of damask with Erzulie's Veve. The solid part of the perfume is made from coconut oil, bees wax, organic shea butter, organic cocoa butter and Vitamin E. Naturally, each parfum will be fixed through prayer, offerings of pink flowers, chocolates, pink pirouettes and raspberry wine were made to Her and magical working. The only animal this has been tested on is me (you're welcome!)

There are only five of these that will be offered and once they're gone, they're gone. They are available for purchase here

La Luxure was made in honor of Erzulie. It can be worn as a devotion to Erzulie but also functions as an attracting glamour to attract a potential partner or to get your current partner in the mood. ;)

On Home Ownership and Hearths

So, my PEH (platonic Euro husband for those who are new) posted about home ownership and makes a lot of good very valid points. I've been thinking a lot about home ownership as I am a fairly recent homeowner. He's right about being sold a faulty dream for a lot of people, I know people who got in at the wrong time and now are in over their heads by a lot. The fact that we're still aspiring to being a "land owner" hundreds of years later is crazy, we're still holding onto that cache that being a "land owner" (home owner) meant you were upper crust.

But.

Just to play devil's advocate, here's why I'm a home owner:

1. I'm incredibly boring. I've lived in the same area for more than half my life. I like it here, my friends are here, my family is here, good pagan groups are here, you can be a weekender in a subculture without it having to be your life, I'm an hour away from NYC, two from Philly/A.C., there's ocean within reach. As L. pointed out, I can posture all I want but the fact is I am ridiculously stupidly rooted here and unlikely to ever not be, past traveling (I love to travel but I get homesick something fierce) so may as well buy something.

2. Because NJ is so ridiculously wealthy overall, something called The Mount Laurel Project happened which basically said you can't push out working class/middle classes out of a town by only building property that rich people can buy, it's not fair. Thus every new development that's built, a certain amount of rental units, condos, etc need to be set aside so that low income and moderate income people can buy/rent a home in a good area. Jow and I qualified for a "moderate income" condo. You go to your township, show them your income info, get a letter of recommendation from a mortgage company saying they'll likely give you a mortgage and then you're entered into a lottery. You can say no to as many as you want, but it's unknown when your name will come up again. Our first one was so . . .old and run down and craptastic, we didn't even get up the nerve to go in. The second one was in the complex I grew up in (which yes, means I live v. close to my mom but luckily she's like a vampire and doesn't come in unless invited so there's no "surprise visits") which is about fifteen years old, nice neighborhood, pool, tennis courts, garbage dumpster verses trash day (which I prefer) and weirdly lower association fees than the first place which did not have a pool or a tennis court.

3. Since it's a condo, it's not unlike an apartment in the good ways - roof, shoveling snow, mowing the lawn, taking care of the outside of our place is Not Our Problem. It's a good size for us, in Paris or NYC it would be considered roomy, in NJ it's considered small but we have our own washer/dryer, the kitchen is decently sized, we each have our own closet and a home office. It's big enough to throw a good party but small enough to discourage long term visitors. It's not overly expensive to heat or air condition. It's small enough that Jow and I can clean it on our sloppiest day in a day if we're being ambitious.

4. It made financial sense for us. At the time, the government was giving an $8K incentive for first time home owners (which was a good chunk of our down payment), it worked out (with the association fees, property tax, etc) to about what we were paying in rent. It is unknown as to if there will be any kind of social security left by the time we need it and neither Jow nor I work for a big enough company to get a really bangin' 401K/retirement option where we'd get pensions or the company matches a substantial amount of money which means we do need to focus on our retirement. A big part of that focus is that we have a roof over our heads so we have money for piddly things like not eating cat food. There's also the matter of since this is part of a county program, while we'll never make a huge sum of money should we ever want to move, we are also *guaranteed* to make a small profit on our place no matter what the economy looks like.

5. Both Jow and I have spent our twenties as most people do, moving around a lot (him more than me!). I have never owned a place to live in that is likely to be mine for at least 5-7 years (like a prison bid as I like to cheerfully say), likely longer. I wanted to know what the energy would be like in terms of creating a hearth. I can only speak to my own experience, but our energy has been building in our home because we treat it like our home, I had never personally been able to do that when renting (and that's on me, others' experiences may be different). We put a lot of energy (in painting, in decorating, in magical work) into making this place feel solid as a hearth, it feels more like a hearth to me but that could also have a lot to do with my particular place in life currently, building a hearth wasn't exactly high on my list of shit to do as a maiden, in the mother stage it's much more important to me. I also spend a lot more time here - working, playing, eating, entertaining, etc than I did in my other places in my twenties which again could definitely be life place attributed. My last apartment was so ridiculously big, we never fully unpacked and that energy definitely carried over. For me, home ownership was also about taking charge of my future post-divorce and making sure I had a place to live when I was old, it was also about starting my new life as a grown up and taking control of my financial life as well. It was a v. definite start into my new life and attempting to ride the tiger instead being ridden by the tiger.

Building a Dilettante

My approach to magic can at best be politely be called eccentric but there are a lot of sources that helped me get to where I am as a third wave riot girl hearth witch. Should you ever be curious about how I got here.

Reading List for the Dilettante Hearth Witch

Our Bodies, Ourselves - I'm not going to lie, it still appalls me how many women don't know their birth control options or how their bodies work or anything.

WomenSpirit Rising - Just blew my tiny brain open about religion and started me thinking about how to be a riot girl in religion.

The Gospel of Mary of Magdala: Jesus and the First Woman Apostle - This is When Shit Got Real for me as a Women's Studies major.

The Spiral Dance 20th Anniversary - Because you always remember your first, because she still updates it with new info and changes in philosophy. Also I'm mad at Z. and she knows why.

A Subscription to Real Simple - It's the perfect hearth witch mag imo - realistic recipes, how to clean just about anything, financial planning, realistic planners, gardening and essays about various real world stupid motherfucking problems. The real world guide to being a motherfucking adult.

Old Style Conjure Podcast - Oh man do I love me some Momma Starr, she just is the cat's pajamas. I'm going to butch this horribly but when someone essentially says on a hoodoo podcast, "But you don't just want him back, you want his money. So you're going to Bend Him Over in Jesus' name!" I'm going to love you forever.

White Wolf Mage: The Ascension Role Playing Game Books: Dreamspeakers, Cult of Ecstasy and Spirit Ways - As long as you understand that they are *fiction* for a *pretend role playing game*, they're helpful as they're well researched.

Animal Speak - a great primer on some basic Native American Shamanic concepts

Hoodoo Herb and Root Magic: A Materia Magica of African-American Conjure - Super helpful hoodoo reference book.

Compendium of Herbal Magick - Really helpful Euro magical herb compendium

Rules of the Game - teaches basic NLP techniques and I find it helpful in my glamoury work

Eat, Pray, Love - it really encapsulated my post divorce spiritual journey and helped me focus on what I'm trying to accomplish.

Evolutionary Witchcraft - This book really helped me come to terms with being a Reclaimist. The Iron Pentacle meditation has changed every group I've led it for, it's that amazing.

Rune Soup - Because magically speaking, Gordon really is my better half.

Recipe Monday: Mushroom Ragout

My recipe today is based off of the recipe that Sarah posted on her blog, Pink of Perfection which is a lovely blog and really honestly everything I aspire to in the French Experiment, she's even recognized by Miss Martha's High Council which is high praise indeed!

2 cartons of baby bella mushrooms, sliced big
1 small onion, diced
1/4 pound oyster mushrooms, sliced
1/4 pound shiitake mushroom, sliced in half and de-stemmed
1/2 cup dry white wine (we like Crane Hill Pinot Grigio, it's inexpensive at $4 but def drinkable)
1/2 cupped shredded swiss cheese
3 tablespoons butter
4 slices of bread cut into cubes
1 tablespoon fresh thyme
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
3 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Mix the bread, parsley, oil and salt and pepper to taste. Toast in the oven for about 10 minutes. Heat a pan on medium and melt the butter. When the butter starts to foam, add the onion. Cook for 4 or 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms, cook for about 10 minutes, stirring often. Salt and pepper to taste. Add the flour while stirring. Add the white wine and the thyme and parsley, cook for another five minutes. Pour over the bread cubes and top with Swiss. Bake in the oven for 15 minutes.

Done!

Recipe Monday: Mushroom Ragout

My recipe today is based off of the recipe that Sarah posted on her blog, Pink of Perfection which is a lovely blog and really honestly everything I aspire to in the French Experiment, she's even recognized by Miss Martha's High Council which is high praise indeed!

2 cartons of baby bella mushrooms, sliced big
1 small onion, diced
1/4 pound oyster mushrooms, sliced
1/4 pound shiitake mushroom, sliced in half and de-stemmed
1/2 cup dry white wine (we like Crane Hill Pinot Grigio, it's inexpensive at $4 but def drinkable)
1/2 cupped shredded swiss cheese
3 tablespoons butter
4 slices of bread cut into cubes
1 tablespoon fresh thyme
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
3 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Mix the bread, parsley, oil and salt and pepper to taste. Toast in the oven for about 10 minutes. Heat a pan on medium and melt the butter. When the butter starts to foam, add the onion. Cook for 4 or 5 minutes. Add the mushrooms, cook for about 10 minutes, stirring often. Salt and pepper to taste. Add the flour while stirring. Add the white wine and the thyme and parsley, cook for another five minutes. Pour over the bread cubes and top with Swiss. Bake in the oven for 15 minutes.

Done!

Recipe Monday: Stuffed Baby Artichokes

Making baby stuffed artichokes is surprisingly not a huge pain in the ass, I made them as an appetizer during the week, but this could definitely serve as a dinner or lunch easily.

1 carton baby artichokes (my wegman's had it, trader joe's sometimes does, anyplace fancy-shmacy will), prepped (see how here)
2 pieces of bread, made into breadcrumbs (directions found here)
3 pieces of pancetta, diced
1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped
1/4 cup grated cheese
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3 tablespoons olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

First off, save yourself some heartache and it's better to snap off too many leaves than not enough. I learned this the hard way. Put the artichokes in a pot with enough water to cover them. Add salt, a dash of oil and the lemon juice. Cook on medium heat until boiling. Once boiling, cover. Cook for 15 minutes. Drain. Let cook for a few minutes until you can touch them without cussing. Then slice off the top tips of the artichokes (again, learned that the hard way. They're still a bit spiney) and then cut them in half. Heat the oven to 400. Arrange them in a baking pan cut sides up. Salt and pepper to taste. Mix breadcrumbs, pancetta, parsley, oil and salt and pepper to taste. Pour over the artichokes. Cook for 15 minutes.

Voila!

On the Magic of Self Care

So, roles within our family are always changing and evolving. Motherhood has done something awesome to my sister in that she now can think calmly and rationally no matter how pissed off she is at someone, a skill I lack in the utmost of capacity. So now our conversations about estranged family that is making all the badness with my uncle in ICU go worse go something like this:

Me: (screams a bunch of psycho rabid dog stuff about our estranged family)
She: (calmly agrees with what I said but rightly points out x, y and z as to why we need to get along with them)
Me: (begrudging agreement because she is now the saner sister)
She: Now go grind some meat* and feed Jow dinner. Also, jinx family member Z.
Me: . . .really?
She: Yeah I'm co-signing. Go make a doll and call him Fredo and do what you need to do.

When everything is falling apart hardcore, it's the little things that are pleasing. Just planning all the jinx-y inconveniences I would do to Fredo (syph! get caught in all his lies! Never drive a nice car!) made me feel better, better enough that if Fredo has any bad low level luck, well, maybe it's my fault in a low level Malocchia sort of way but not in a super intentional sort of way.

Self care, real self care (not just in the form of a pizza or whatever other comfort food you can jam down your throat) during a time of crisis is hard to come by, especially when you come from a family of do'ers who like to burn themselves out. But it's important, even vital to the process.

When contemplating self care, I also contemplate how maybe this time/energy should be put into magic. But the more I thought about it, past trying to do my japa practice, send reiki and make some heart felt petitions/novenas to Our Lady of Guadalupe, it just hasn't felt right. I'm a mess, I'm not thinking clearly and the world as I know it may be changing in drastic, permanent and sad ways. Sometimes, past prayer. . .in my opinion, magic just isn't the answer. A shocking view among us here on our corner of the blogosphere, I know. If I were a "proper" magic user (whatever that is right?), I wouldn't be daunted! Nay! I would gather my magical tools and beat god/dess/es in a show of SHEER FORCE OF WILL! I will win this, universe!

Except . . .I can barely manage to shower (fibro during times like this? Also not awesome), how exactly am I going to show the universe who's the bitch in this relationship? And here's another phrase that is supremely unpopular among magic users (including Jow on most days), I can't.

Yep. That's right.

I can't.

I mean for me, firstly, honestly, because I don't believe I can best the universe in a pissing match for it is much bigger than me but *mostly* because I don't have the will. And magic is all about will. Dorking out, in White Wolf roleplaying games, Willpower plays a role in your character sheet. If you're playing Vampire**, willpower is so important that if you lose all your willpower, you will immediately go into a vampire frenzy and will be unable to see logic or reason and kill everything in your path. And in WW's Mage, willpower can affect your ability to cast a spell. At the risk of sounding like someone who believes that D&D is truefax, I think it's true in real life spell casting.

In WW, you can regain your willpower points which helps you be more effective through various methods. I will share here some of mine:

- Sleep. Sleep works like whoa. Sleep makes you a lot more sane, calm and rational.

- Cooking. Even if it's baking bread in the bread machine, making something from scratch start to finish gives me a sense of accomplishment. I find also making a full meal with fresh ingredients and eating healthy foods help too.

- Bitching. Not to the point where it becomes word vomit but to the point where you can release it as best as possible.

- Exercise. It gives you a place to put your aggression.

- Mind Rotting TV. I always feel better after an episode of Intervention or 16 and Pregnant. My problems seem downright manageable afterward.

- Focus on things you can control. I personally focused on teeth whitening and self tanning as well as my spring looks.


Sometimes I feel like I could be doing something super awesome right now with my time but the truth is, it's hard enough to get through the day. And that's okay. Regaining willpower through self care is a necessary and dare I say sacred act and right now that trumps just about everything but what I am using to deal with my fam's medical crisis. It would be nice to be having a grand time of it right now, it's spring, sort of, I have ideas and plans for things I'd like to do and wouldn't it be fun to be dressed nice and go someplace awesome and do something spontaneous? It sure would be! But it's not where I am. And owning where you are makes it possible for you to get to the next place, which will hopefully be better. Where ever that is.


* When I went through my divorce, using my meat grinder attachment on my MixMaster was one of the few things that kept me remotely sane. It was weirdly therapeutic, I don't know, I guess the Sweeney Todd aspect of it or whatever. If you have a MixMaster but no meat grinding attachment, buy one right now. I mean it. It will change your life.

** I want that 20th Anniversary Ed of Vampire: the Masquerade so bad I can taste it and I don't care who knows!

Pizza and Dead People

But first, real life. My uncle is in the hospital in ICU right now. This has been difficult for my family for a lot of reasons. a) If he passed, that would leave my uncle fatherless at 19. No one I knew who is part of the "dead dad" club who lost their father around that age came out unscathed. My cousin . . . is troubled would be the kindest way to put it and he has a lot of things working against him. He *just* started to pull his shit together a month ago. If my uncle passed, it would be a one way trip down the spiral, hard. We all can see it. (b) For Italians, we're a small family. We're still rocked from losing half of M.'s family two years ago unexpectedly. We only have (1) baby on that side. It would just . . .make us that much more inconsolable. There's only like 14 of us now total.

When we first got the news that he was in ICU, we had no information. Generally I take point in these kinds of situations, but my sister wanted to go and she's an adult now so I wanted to give her the chance. I wanted me to have the chance to stay behind and tend to the home fires and take care of her kid. I could be patient and calm and wait.

Wrong.

Apparently family roles exist for a reason. If it was a movie, it would almost be comical, me at home with her child screaming and inconsolable, me looking stricken and gasping in panicky breaths, pacing and pacing, at a loss with nothing to do but sit on my hands and try futilely to get the baby to calm down. She at the hospital, stricken and overcome by the sight of my vibrant uncle, hooked up to so many tubes and machines that she didn't know how she would handle it and didn't know what to do with my mother or the situation. Both of us whispering to each other through text we chose wrong, this isn't what we're good at, not at all.

Since then, we've gotten a routine. Every other day either she goes with my mother to the hospital two hours away and I stay home with her kid or vice versa. I grill the nurses, nag my mother. She does my uncles laundry and replaces household items.

We're getting there. He's getting better, little by little. We're not out of the woods yet but the outcome looks promising at least.

My sister and my mother are troopers. I'm not strong like they are, I've been sleeping til noon, exhausted. My sister cares for her kid, my mom goes to work. But I hope that when I take a little time to breathe and recharge, I can help them do the same, have a clear head to help find answers, make them take breaks, etc. The days are long, going til midnight every other day.

I haven't been able to light a novena candle yet, but I think about it a lot, Our Lady of Guadalupe sitting serenely on my altar and I think about Her prayer that I don't know by heart but know the gist of and lighting the candle in my head and hope that it counts, almost as much. My japa practice has become erratic, but I think about that a lot too and say a few mantras when I can remember. I think about the rosary in one of my uncle's mittens, prayed on by so many of my ex-aunt's family members. I try to pray before bed, try to go to my internal meditation space and clean that out since I haven't had the time to in my actual home. I think about asking to go to Umberto's tonight, my father's favorite pizza place out in NY. So much so that when he passed, a cousin ribboned a box beautiful and displayed it at his wake. We go there, whenever we go to the cemetery, whenever we go to a wake, sometimes when we're leaving the country out of JFK, sometimes just when we're visiting my uncle and we can be happy as a family. But mostly I think about pizza and dead people and how it's a part of our pilgrimage to visit our beloved dead, just like the shitty diner in south Jersey we go to when we visit my dad's grave where we always order pancakes and burgers.

My mom is my family's keeper of the dead, I guess that's where I get it from but she's hardcore. She specializes in what I call "drive by cemetery visits". She's got a wreath in her hand, twine, scissors, whatever she finds around the cemetery to help hold up wreaths, flowers, palms, she's the MacGyver of the Cemetery. She knows where everyone's buried and has inscrutable markers in her brain that helps her find whoever. She does drive bys because she'll decide on a day's notice that that is what she's doing and then gets put out when I can't decide on a whim (and really, who decides to drive two hours to either cemetery on a whim? Fran [our last name], that's who.) to go visit all of our beloved dead. Sometimes I think I'm too soft and squishy because I get all emotional and shit about this kind of stuff, but when it comes down to doing, I can get through it all nice and neat like my mom does, once I'm there. It's just getting there. But I'm learning, or at least trying to because some day this will be my job. We have the same organized brain though and the same black humor. We talk about where everyone's buried like normal people talk about files. I explained my eventual plan to get everyone in one general area in a mausoleum all nice and neat and she laughs ("We'll just move Dad and put him like across the street from Grandma and Grandpa and then everyone will be organized, right Ma? Keep everyone close and nice and tidy!"). So I go with her and she tells me family secrets off handedly (it's the only way to get them out of her) and I try to figure out the bunny trail of our beloved dead. I'm learning. Slowly. And then we get a slice of sicilian and try the Arancini di Riso and head home, back to central New Jersey, back and forth between life and the dead as sure as an abacus.

How May I Service You Today?

Today Thorn Coyle blogs about Service is Power which is something very near and dear to my heart. I've considered myself a v. service oriented person and all wink wink Secretary references aside, it can be challenging to explain how and why this is part of my spirituality.

I think service can be a difficult concept to our community because there are obvious services that many of us do not do. Helping at a soup kitchen or a domestic violence helpline, volunteering in Haiti, etc. If you do those things, you are truly an angel. But many of us get too bogged down in our daily lives and it can be challenging to get involved in a larger more global cause. To that I say two things:

1. Think globally, act locally.

2. What do you give a fuck about?

The first one is to indicate that you need to think about all the things you hopefully do for your more immediate family, friends and community. Maybe you don't volunteer at a shelter, but unfortunately, most of us have known friends who got themselves into a situation they can't get out of. And sometimes, for some of us, there is a light of some kind that we happen to be in the right place at the right time and the other person is in the right mindframe so that when you say, Honey, this has got to stop. Right now. The other person replies, You're right. And it's going to, right now. Maybe you don't volunteer at a soup kitchen but you take your unemployed friend out for dinner. Or maybe you volunteer your time and energy into your local pagan community and you make the feast or offer to do registeration for a larger pagan event. Think carefully about all the small kindnesses you do in a day - when you listen to a friend cry, when you help a sibling move, when you watch a cousin's baby for an hour, all of those services big and small that you do. And ask yourself, could I do more? Because . . .you probably could. Make your mom dinner one night, buy your friend her coffee for no reason, watch a coven mate's kid for two hours so she can sleep, all of those things that we do out of love and out of kindess are some of the best human experiences there are. And if you grit your teeth and do something nice anyway when you don't feel like it? The Jewish faith calls that a mitzvah and it counts even more. I believe that, I really do.

The second part is what my first year women's studies class professor very exasperatedly said to us when she had enough of us that day. And I find it guides my life. What do you give a fuck about? What is more important to you than anything? What do you believe in more than anything? What is your driving force? What gets you out of bed in the morning? It forces you to cut through the bullshit and focus on what is really important. You can't save all the starving orphan nuclear whales in Africa. So what is more important to you than anything? For me it was Hurricane Katrina. So important that I signed up for the Red Cross and was willing to go, even though I was shit scared and didn't know what to expect. I went to my training, I got all my paperwork done and I was ready to do it. I talked a lot to my exbf who was home from Iraq briefly and I felt stupid about being scared, I wasn't even going to leave the country. But he said there's always someone who got there before you, who managed to make an IV out of duct tape and a ziplock bag. That's okay. You'll be there when you go. I didn't get called, but I did fund raise for Katerina. And if abortion became illegal, there are a lot of things I'd be willing to do there. Where will you lay yourself on the line?

Finally, as Pagans and magic users, I think service can be sort of . . .pushed aside. It's not cool, it's not cynical, it's not furthering whatever your Master Plan for World Domination (tm) is, it's not something you can really sneer while doing. We're all adrift anyway, man. Service forces us to look beyond ourselves. Service forces us to wear our hearts on our sleeves. Service forces us to be sincere. And frankly, as a whole, these are things we are not good at. And we need to be. Service isn't v. glamorous, it's generally doing shit work that no one wants to do, but man, it recharges me way more than anything else, way more than ten episodes of Degrassi, way more than Drawing Down, way more than High Priestessing, way more than meditation. I would really honestly and truly rather be washing dishes in the back than leading a rite. Service really and truly is where my heart is, I feel like I am as close as I possibly can be to touching the gods when I am serving others. Honestly, I think at the end of the day, service is what binds kitchen witches together because it tends to be something we all do, no matter if we're a witch in the woods or a soccer mom with 2.5 children and a white picket fence. What's more beautiful than that to bind us all together?

Popping Pills and Practice

Since writing my latest article for WitchVox (btw, I tried to write back to you, Carol but it bounced! Hopefully you'll see this instead?), I've actually been getting the same question a lot which makes me think it's on a lot of people's minds:

Do you think that taking medication affects your magical practice?

For the TL;DR crowd, my short answer would be: no. For those of you interested in a discussion, I will share my thoughts with you here. Firstly, I'd like to say that I really dislike it when people are made to feel like they need to engage in secrecy and shame. If that happens, something has really gone wrong in my opinion and the fact that apparently a lot of Pagans/Magical Practitioners feel that they can't talk about taking prescription medication and need to hide that from the community makes me really sad. Taking care of your health and taking advantage of modern medicine shouldn't be something you have to feel shame about in spiritual circles in my opinion.

So let's start kicking down some walls and lay it all out there. I have depression, anxiety, anemia and fibromyalgia. I currently take the following medications to make it so that I am a productive member of society: Prozac, Xanax, Remeron, Savella, Celebrex, Vitamin D, Multi-Vitamin and Birth Control. In the past, I have: gone to therapy and tried Kava and St. John's Wort to help. The therapy helped immensely, the Kava and St. John's Wort significantly less so. In addition to my medication I use yoga, stress management techniques, japa/self guided meditation, massage, journaling and talking to loved ones to manage my conditions. I see my doctor regularly. She is v. tight fisted with all the "fun" meds and I don't think I could get a Vicodin out of her if it meant she could retire on a island of her own. But at the same time, she treats my conditions very aggressively.

Even with good coping mechanisms, good medication and a good support structure, I still have days where I'm anxious and can't sleep and occasionally have days where I am depressed for no reason, sometimes my fibromyalgia causes me so much fatigue and pain still that I can't get out of bed. Despite these aspects, I still feel the normal human range of emotions and generally only feel sad or stressed when I'm "supposed to". I've worked since I was fourteen, I pay my taxes, I write, I ran a con, I go out and have fun doing all the things early thirty-somethings like to do, I have loving relationships and I own a car and a condo. My medication makes it so that instead of being too depressed to be motivated or paralyzed with inexplicable fear and anxiousness or too bedridden with pain and fatigue on the regular, I can lead a fairly "normal" life.

Which is why at this point I get confused about why shame needs to be implemented for taking advantage of first world medical care in order to lead functional lives. Are there people who abuse prescriptions? Um, yeah. They're addicts like the people who are alcoholics and have other drug abuse problems. Is that the majority of people who take meds? No. There's this idea that bugs the shit out of me that there are all these people who take medication they don't really need and this medication *magically* takes away all of their problems and they don't need to deal with them. Last I knew, you needed to take like a fistful of Xanax or are shooting H to get that effect. Which . . .see: addict.

Medication (and therapy) helps get you to the point where you're not in a full blown chemical freakout so you can effectively solve your problems and live your life. If you can do that for yourself without meds, rock out, you have an awesome immune system and brain chemistry. If you can do that solely with homeopathic methods, rock out. If you feel taking meds makes *you* a lesser person somehow then that's your business. But I start to get *real* touchy when you try to lay your trip on me. I get *even more* touchy when you start to try to tell me what to do with my body because I have a real problem with that. Control over my body goes way beyond whether or not I decide to have an abortion, it's also about having agency over the decisions I make regarding my health care.

And this bullshit that some people in our community put on others about how taking prescription medication is selling out, supporting corporate evil and bringing our community down and how you don't "believe" in the pharmaceutical industry so neither should anyone else and positive energy/crystals/herbs/alternative therapies would work for everyone regardless of their brain chemistry and body systems and personal desires is just that- bullshit.

With all that out of the way, let's get to the nuts and bolts of the question asked. While I haven't been completely unmedicated in roughly ten years, there are times where I have a little time in between prescriptions due to various reasons (mostly due to the length of time it takes for my prescriptions to arrive to me via mail) where I am in a quasi-unmedicated state and/or if my fibro-flare is that impressive that it punches past my meds that I feel able to give my own take on whether or not my medications have affected my magical practice.

When I was unmedicated/quasi-unmedicated, it was significantly easier for me to be in touch intuitively. What that means to me is that Tarot reading was easier to "pull", getting random psychic impulses and having an easier time seeing what's going on with what I call The Tapestry. The Tapestry refers to everything that's happened in the past, everything that's happening right now, everything that will happen and everything that never happened. To me it looks like a huge tapestry constantly weaving and unweaving itself in bits and pieces. Typically I could see about like one billionth of the whole tapestry, it was mostly my little corner of the world.

However. And this is a big however, my magic has significantly improved since medicating. My spells are much more effectively, I have the focus to have a personal practice and my rituals are more effective and meaningful.

So while yes, my general fuzzy random psychic ability was better unmedicated, having the ability to cast better and have a better personal practice *to me* (and YMMV) far outweighed my unmedicated abilities. While yes, my unmedicated abilities were more "traditional" psychic aspects, the ability to get the perfect condo through my targeted magic work far outweighed the benefit of being able to say, "Gordon! I think something is going to happen to you on Wedne- Thursd- No, definitely Wednesday. No idea what though. Cheers!" So for me, being more functional in my daily life and being more effective in my targeted magical practice far outweighed being unmedicated.

Discuss among yourselves.

New Witchvox Article: Magically Cleansing Your Home

Generally I take blog entries from here and make them into articles but this article is completely new. So go check out my latest Hearth Witch Lesson on Magically Cleansing Your House!

Recipe Monday: Pasta with Parsley and Dill

This week has been crazy and it's only Tuesday. I'm late on Recipe Monday because we got our cat Bella fixed who decided to declare war on our cat Max for her surgical croning. We finally separated the two with Bella temporarily residing at chez James but it's been a harrowing week with not a lot of sleep since last Monday as they've been pissing and shitting all over and yowling and trying to kill each other in earnest complete with turf wars at all hours of the day and night. Also, we leave for Arisia on Friday and I'm heading a track there so there's been last minute org things there and did I mention I've been sick? Yeah.

Okay, enough crying. Jow and I have been pretending to eat more like French people partly out of curiosity and partly because we want to eat healthier. I've been baking all our breads myself (with help from the bread machine) and making soup from scratch. Next on my list will be to stop using box mixes for things like quick bread, but I'm not quite there yet. The French don't do a lot of elaborate cooking on the day to day, they just use a lot of whole foods. Both Jow and I being Italian, we loves the pasta so along the way, I figured this recipe out.

Parsley is good for protection and love and dill is good for money and hex breaking so you can cover all your magical bases with the two herbs used and can enchant as you see fit (over dinner at a dinner with GoG we agreed that there are the big four magical bases - love, money, protection and hexing). This recipe is quick and economical as well!

Pasta Avec Parsley and Dill

1 box pasta (we like rotini or elbows)
4 tablespoons butter
Palm full of grated Parmesan cheese
1 hand full of fresh chopped parsley
1 hand full of fresh chopped dill
salt and pepper to taste

Cook pasta according to the directions. Drain. Add the rest of the ingredients. Et Voila! Dinner est served!

Retro Recipe Monday: Moar Cooking with Company

The next morning, I'm late as usual
Karen's there fresh as a daisy
She says with a smile, "You look like hell
And where you last night?"

The holidaze has been full of visiting with all of my family and a near constant food/champagne food coma. So much so, that Jow and I decided to start our own experiment on changing our life habits. So far, it's a pain in the ass. It's not magical per se, though whenever exerting one's will over the universe/inertia is really, so I will be more tumblr'ing and tweeting about that and other things like my terrible tv habits and learning to use my spinning wheel.

BTW, in case you were wondering, the cats like our new popcorn popper about as much as they like the vacuum. But . . .they're also super high on holiday catnip, so . . .paranoid trade off.

Onto the recipe!

Rosy Ham Ring
Letters from women, praising this pretty loaf, prompt us to reprint the recipe from our Freezing & Canning Cookbook.

3 lbs. ground smoked ham
1 lb. ground pork
2 eggs
1 3/4 c. graham cracker crumbs
1 1/2 c. milk
1/2 tsp. ground allspice
Tomato Basting Sauce


* Combine all ingredients except sauce; mix well. In a 16x11" baking pan, shape with hands to make a ring (or loaf) about 10' across. Pour over half of sauce.

* Bake in moderate oven (350 degrees) minutes; pour remaining sauce and bake 45 minutes longer, basting several times with sauce. Makes 12 to 14 servings.

Tomato Basting Sauce: Combine 1 can condensed tomato soup, 1/2 c. vinegar, 1/2 c. brown sugar and 1 1/2 tsp. prepared mustard.

Note: You can mix this loaf a few days early and freeze it. Allow a little longer cooking time. At serving time fill the center of the ring with buttered peas, corn or succotash.

Model UN and Solstice

Me: Filthy Reclaimist accustomed to improv and compromise in a rit, more of a group practitioner than private practitioner, roots in less book oriented spirituality such as Dianic Wicca, Shamanism, Hoodoo and Kitchen Witchery.

Jow: Ceremonial Magician, accustomed to working alone in a structured setting, roots in things that require a lot of reading like Hermeticism and other ceremonial traditions, raised as an only child (his older sisters were grown).

Now do a ritual together!

The planning always ends with me simultaneously wanting to strangle Jow and bang my own head against a desk until I stop moving. The *easy* and *obvious* answer is to stop working together but that seems like a cop out to me, since we live together and both do magic. And while yes, as per the blogosphere, the Solstice/Full Moon/Eclipse has many convoluted meanings and ramifications to it, I was excited to do magic on a day where these things haven't happened simultaneously in over four hundred years. Also, I am currently unemployed and can stay up til 3:30a so I wanted to take that while I could get it.

Picture it! We're in our living room, we've just devoured tasty tacos and are feeling pretty good. We cleaned ALL THINGS (at least all closets, pantries and fridge) and things are looking good.

Then we start talking litergy.

Me: I'd like to raise energy together to focus together on our work.

Him: Okay.

Me: Keen! Okay, maybe a song or a chant?

Him: Sounds good.

Me: (Suggests like NINTY BILLION songs and chants coming from various pagan traditions as well as modern songs and potentially playing music and just rocking out)

Him: (Rejects everything)

Me: (Asks him to suggest something)

Him: (suggests something unpronounceable)

Me: (Explains the point of raising energy as I was taught was to get focused, in an egregor, etc which means everyone needs to pronounce it and the meaning of the words are important but . . .pronunciation is more important)

Him: (Rejects further ideas)

Me: (Gets aggravated)

Him: (FINALLY suggests to use the chant from the movie The Craft)

Me: AFTER AN HOUR OF RESEARCH AND SUGGESTION, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO USE? SOMETHING FROM A MOVIE!

Him: Yes.

Me: But you said -- Rrrrrrrrrrrgh.

Him: You like the chant though.

Me (sulkily): Yes.

Him: So let's use it.

Me: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Forget even getting into the conversation about purification. Eventually, he said, I just need things to be explained as to why you would want to use them. I said, um, telling me that would have been muy helpful. Him: Oh . . .right.


We then discussed if working together magically was going to be possible. Mind you, neither of us were used to being up super late anymore so we were both feeling cranky. After a cup of tea, we had decided to try to do work in Cornish witchcraft we were both enamoured of from a video.

Why this will (probably) work:

1. We already bought stuff for a Wiccan altar and would like to use it.

2. Jow expressed interest in learning trad witchcraft.

3. I expressed interest in learning more formalized witchcraft.

4. We like the British lady from the video, she uses a neat . . . like boomarang on a string to draw her space.

5. I would like to learn more formalized practice and have more of a personal at home practice with rituals.

6. Jow wants to learn more about "Gen Ed" paganism and how to work in a group with others.

7. We would only need to buy a couple books.


But, this is for the future. Despite crankiness and difficulty, we managed to put together a lovely, simple ritual that resonated with both of us. We started by ringing a bell and then smudging with sage. Jow invoked to Ganesha as gatekeeper, I invoked the moon. We did our chant (which did work wonderfully for us, sulkiness aside, he hit the nail right on the head there) and had two of our fanciest glasses and a bottle of St. Germaine (which is currently the fanciest and most coveted booze we own right now) and we each took turns invoking our personal god/desses and making our petitions. It flowed really well and naturally and it had a quiet kind of power to it. We had two candles lit and our little rosemary christmas tree in the center of our table with our grapevine star. We both were v. eloquent if I do say so myself and poured libations. We then went outside to admire the eclipse and the moon (so crystal clear and gorgeous) and to offer our libations.

We weren't going to do a divination as to how our spellwork went and that turned out to be a correct instinct. Because at ADF GoG when we do so, it's "So gods! How'd you like the party?" And they're either like, it was awesome! Good things are coming!/Let me warn you about some things . . .Or occasionally, outcome unclear. (Generally when the invited guests were unsure as to how to behave at the party. Like, being invited into a cultural party where you don't have any idea of what's going on and you're like, the food was weird but okay? I couldn't understand the people? But it was nice of them to invite me?) Once in a v. great while, something that borders on, Boooo! Did not like!

Our cards both came out v. "Good things could happen from this! Or bad! I don't know!" Which I think was more of the result of us asking for a whole lot of things and not yet having done any real work towards it. It was asking a lot to get a solid yay or nay this early in, it felt v. much like the wheel was still spinning.

But all in all, the rit was v. solid and felt like it went well. I'm glad we did it!

Retro Recipe Monday: Pineapple-Cheese Salad

Oh you scamp, Cooking for Company. For you, Charmers, I have marked so many recipes in here. While I was doing so (sober!), I kept saying to J^1 and J^2, "these things that I know, I cannot unknow!" More and more frantically and then eventually just despondently as the evening went on.

Pain shared is pain multiplied!

Pineapple-Cheese Salad

A church supper special that's also a winner in "at home" guest meals

2 pkgs. lemon flavor gelatin
2 c. boiling water
2 c. cold water
6 bananas, peeled and sliced
2 c. miniature or cut up marshmallows
1/2 c. sugar
3 tblsp. cornstarch
2 (8 1/2 oz.) cans crushed pineapple, undrained
1 c. heavy cream
1 c. shredded Cheddar cheese

* Dissolve gelatin in boiling water; add cold water and chill until syrupy. Stir in sliced bananas and marshmallows. Pour into 13 x 9 x 2" pan. Chill until set.

* Mix sugar and cornstarch; add to undrained pineapple. Cook over medium heat, stirring consistently, until thickened. Cool.

* Whip heavy cream and fold into cooled pineapple mixture along with half of the shredded cheese. Spread mixture on congealed lemon gelatin.

* Sprinkle remainder of shredded cheese over top. Chill overnight. Cut into squares. Makes 12 to 15 servings.

Festival Celebrations Notes, Pictures and Recipes

Gordon made an excellent post about having one's own festival of festivals and I decided, why not!

Agonalia – December 11
My sacrifice came in the form of continuing to work to reorganize our condo so that I will have an easier time crafting and working on putting together our office in Spare Oom. I put together a new centerpiece on our living room table - green/gold taffeta (cha-ching!), gold yarn balls in a trifle dish, green crystals and small bits of metal with words like "love" and "inspiration" on them. I also spoke extensively to my crafting partner about starting to go to shows, etc.

The Feast of the Virgin of Guadalupe - December 12
The Lady of Guadalupe has been v. kind to myself and my family and I wanted to show my appreciation to her for all the kindness she's shown me. So I got her a bouquet of flowers in whites and blue-purples with a blue cloth wrapped around them. I also gave her a small chocolate cake and lit her candle and said a Hail Mary and read her psalm and gave thanks.

Longest Night - December 13
When I think longest night, I will confess, I think of Kushiel's which means I think of alternate history France, Terre d'Ange where they would have sexy naughty parties to celebrate, while toasting to the Longest Night with tiny cups of joie. Which sounds exactly how I want to celebrate! It's also Jow's birthday. Since money has been a bit tight this year for everyone, my friend who was going to have a Longest Night Masque had to cancel. We made a menu of French inspired food that also has bright sunny flavors and lit a lot of tealights in the living room. We also decided to watch an old movie that took place in France. Jow and I decided celebrate anyway. The author has gone on record saying that St. Germain is the closest equivalent to joie. I had never had St. Germain before, but I got to try it in a cocktail recently. We started with a straight shot of it to toast the Longest Night and it was like drinking delicious flowers. Our bottle happened to be unreasonably difficult to open, but we eventually managed it.

Appetizer: Lemon-Thyme Ricotta Appetizer

1 cup part skim ricotta
8 sprigs of thyme, leaves only
1/2 lemon, juiced and zested
1 tablespoon honey
bag of bruscetta toast
salt and pepper to taste

Mix all the ingredients together except the toasts. Microwave for 1 minute. Put on toasts.

Cocktail: French Greyhound

2 pink grapefruits, juiced
12 counts vodka
6 counts St. Germaine

Mix together in a pitcher. Serve chilled, in martini glasses. Makes . . .8 cocktails? That part is admittedly a little blurry.

Dinner: Ribbon Pasta in a Pistou Sauce with Sausage

1 package egg ribbon pasta
2 bunches basil
2 vine ripe tomatoes, deseeded
4 cloves garlic
1/4 pound good gouda (I recommend 5 year)
1/2 lemon, juiced
3 capfuls of olive oil
Salt and Pepper
1 pack Chicken Andouille Sausage

Put the basil, tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, gouda, lemon and salt and pepper into a food processor and pulse until it's at a pesto consistency. Grill the sausage on a Foreman grill and cut into pieces. Make the ribbon noodles according to the package. Drain. Mix the pistou together with the pasta and sausage. Serve.

By now, if you're doing things correctly, you are likely v. drunk.

Dessert: Sugar Cookies with Lemon Curd

1 package of soft baked sugar cookies
3 tablespoons of lemon curd

Put the lemon curd in a ramekin. Dip the cookies which came made in the package into the lemon curd. Nom!

Recipe Monday: Postponed Until Tuesday

I'm postponing until Tuesday as we will be celebrating Longest Night tonight and I want to test run the recipes tonight and post them tomorrow.

The menu to keep you interested:
Lemon-Thyme Bruschetta Appetizer
Ribbon Pasta with Pista and Grilled Sausage
Madelines or Lemon bars (from the bakery though I know how to make Madelines)
French Greyhound Cocktails

Songs as Spells: I ain't got much book learnin'/ but I've got charms to win the race . . .

So, here's where my Hollow Ones methods really come to light. True confession time, Charmers (that's what I'm calling you from now on readers, hope it's cool!), my biggest stumbling point with Hoodoo is the use of Psalms. It . . .just does not do it for me generally speaking and really doesn't do it for me with the Psalms typically used. They just don't resonate with me and if it doesn't resonate then . . .how do I complete the spell?

Sure, as a writer I can occasionally come up with clever rhymes of my own but . . .it's limited to a certain extent. It can be hard for me to really raise energy that way sometimes to put into the spell and to focus since I don't have much of a meditation background. Well, you know what helps? Songs. Preferably modern songs. Think about things like Bards and how powerful their words can be. A really good song writer/singer/musical arrangement can be uberpowerful and really add a punch to your spellwork. It also really helps me focus because the song (I usually either "play" it in my head, actually play it or sing it, depending on the work) keeps my monkey brain busy enough to really focus on the work at hand. And as the words really crescendo, so does the spell. My suggestions are going to be v. based on what I'm into, you can substitute whatever you like and whatever works for you.

If you give this a try, drop me an email or a comment and let me know how it goes!

Trancing
Florence + The Machine: Cosmic Love
Relevant Lyrics: The stars/ the moon/ have all been blown out/ you left me in the dark/ no dawn/ no day/ I'm always in the twilight in the shadow of your heart/ but in the dark/ I can hear your heart beat/ I tried to find the sun/ but then/ I was in the darkness/ so darkness I became/ The stars!/ The moon!

Florence + The Machine: Raise It Up (Rabbit Heart)
Relevant Lyrics: The looking glass, so shiny and new/ How quickly the glamour fades/ I start spinning, slipping out of time/ Was it the wrong pill to take/ Raise up it!/ We raise it up, this offering/ We raise it up/ This is a gift/ it comes with a price/ Who is the lamb and who is the knife?

Money/Prosperity

Hole: Doll Parts
Relevant Lyrics: Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do/ Yeah they really want you, they really want you, but I do too/ I want to be the girl with the most cake

The Tiny: Everything is Free Now
Relevant Lyrics: I could get a straight job/ I've done it before/I never minded working hard/ It is who I'm working for/ Or I could get a tip job/ gas up a car/ or try to make a little change/ down at the bar/ Every day I wake up/ Am humming this song/ and I don't need to run around/ I can just stay at home/ and sing this little love song/ for the love in myself/ if there's something that you wanna hear/ you can sing it yourself/ Cause everything is free now/ That's what I say

Love/Lust Related Spells

Florence + the Machine: Drumming Song
Relevant Lyrics: Louder than sirens/ Louder than bells/ Sweeter than heaven/ And hotter than hell/ As I move my feet towards your body/ I can hear this beat/ and it gets louder and louder/ I run to the river/ I pray that the water will drown out the din/ But as the water fills my mouth/ It couldn't wash the echoes out/ But as the water fills my mouth/ It couldn't wash the echoes out/ I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole/ Till there's nothing left inside my soul/ As empty as that beating drum/ But the sound has just begun. . . .

Fiona Apple: First Taste
Relevant Lyrics: I do not struggle in your web/ for it was my aim to get caught/ but daddy longlegs I fear/ That I'm finally getting weary/ of waiting to be consumed by you/ Give me the first taste/ heaven cannot wait forever/ Darling just start the chase/ but you must make the endeavor . . .

Rasputina: If Your Kisses Can't Hold the Man You Love
Relevant Lyrics: Every time that I hear a woman cry 'cos her man has left her flat
I just feel like saying, "don't be such a fool, you fool."/ Better dry your eyes, can't you realize/ You gain nothing by that/ Well, that's no way to keep his heart warm, baby,/ When his love grows cool/ Don't cry for him or chase him/ Just go out and replace him/ With some good looking Tom, Dick or Jack/ 'Cos if your kisses won't hold the man you love / Then your tears won't bring him back

Hexing

The Pierces: Ruin
Relevant Lyrics: I do not want for you to be happy/ I do not want for you to be happy/ All that I want/ is for you to come to ruin/ all that I want/ is for you to come to ruin/ I want you to come to ruin/ I want you to come to ruin. . .

April March: Chick Habit
Relevant Lyrics: hang up the chick habit / hang it up, daddy, / a girl's not a tonic or a pill / hang up the chick habit /hang it up, daddy, /you're just jonesing for a spill / oh, how your bubble's gonna burst / when you meet another nurse
she'll be driving in a hearse / you're gonna need a heap of glue / when they all catch up with you and they cut you up in two / now your ears are ringing / the birds have stopped their singing /everything is turning grey . . .

Amy Winehouse: Back to Black
Relevant Lyrics: He left no time to regret / Kept his dick wet / With his same old safe bet /Me and my head high / And my tears dry / Get on without my guy / You went back to what you knew / So far removed from all that we went through / And I tread a troubled track / My odds are stacked / I'll go back to black / We only said good-bye with words / I died a hundred times / You go back to her / And I go back to black

Dresden Dolls: Backstabber
Relevant Lyrics: you always struck me as the type to take it lightly /but now you’re gonna have to shut your mouth or fight me/ backstabber, backstabber/ show us what you’re good for / stick it to the noise board / come on join the bloodsport/ backstabber, backstabber, backstabber . . .

Spell Sealing

The Pierces: Sticks and Stones
Relevant Lyrics: Seven times I pierce my heart/ and now you feel the magic start/ bind thy heart and soul to me/ As I do will/ so let it be. . .

Evanesance: Bring Me to Life
Relevant Lyrics: Wake me up inside/ wake me up inside/ call my name and save me from the dark/ bid my blood to run/ Before I come undone/ Breathe into me and make me real/ Bring me to life/ wake me up/ Wake me up inside. . .

Thoughts? Additions?