[Pagan Agony Auntie] Still Moar on Honey Pots

If you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like! 


Sorry, Reader, I know I'm super late getting back to you and I think you may have figured the answer out on your own but in case you want more input and/or anyone else wants to know, a Reader asks:


O hai, just wondering about the flexibility of the honey jar technique. I'm thinking of using it as a love-attracting element, rather than money-attracting or specific-person-sweetening element, with a change up in colors and herbs. Does this sound like a good or bad idea, given that you have way more experience and knowledge with this technique?


It's not a bad idea at all.  Honey jars are more of a slow and steady process so I can imagine that if you have a less specific target, it might be a longer process than just saying I want Person X to love me.  But depending on your own personal moral compass, not asking for a specific person to love you may have less moral ramifications.  Generally speaking, this is how I do my money honey jar work, I ask to make money from specific streams (writing, etc.) versus I want to be in X anthology.  Sometimes I will do the prayer/candle work over the honey jar before a specific event such as a craft show to assist me that way.  I would think the same would be true with your love-drawing honey jar, you could do your candle work before going some place that you might meet a suitable partner (club, bar, con, poetry reading, what have you).  


The real trick to honey jars is to remember that you are creating a spirit fetch essentially and if you forget to feed him or her regularly through prayer and candle work, there's no delicate way to put this, you're not only making it so  that it's going to be too weak to work for you, you're killing it like a houseplant/goldfish also.  If you are done with your honey jar, you need to ritually decommission it like I outlined here.


Think about what characteristics you want to draw to you and put them in your petition paper.  Be sure to roll the paper towards you.  You can't go wrong with adding dried roses to attract love, dried lavender to attract aspects of a long term partner and a bit of ginger powder to make things go faster/get a good attraction.  Pink or white candles would be good to use and you can make or buy a love oil or you could use rose oil.


Happy hunting!

[Pagan Agony Auntie] When Letting Go Is Especially Hard

As always, if you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like!

So, I've been kind of pre-occupied with my own star showers as my PEH would say, so less blogging lately. As you may recall, I recently wrote an article for Witchvox about Letting Go, which is, like many things, a lot easier in theory than practice. Witchvox readers always make my palms sweat because their emails tend to fluster me because it's either saying super complimentary things about how I've helped them in their lives (including a recent one from a really kind older pastor gentleman) or asking for help about Serious Shit. Both are equally terrifying because most of the time I feel like a hot mess who just spouts off whatever I'm thinking about, the idea of positively affecting people I don't even know inadvertently is a good but strange feeling, it's like realizing people are actually watching you dance when you think that no one's paying attention to you. People thinking I can advise them in some really dire situations is also scary because I've certainly made my share of life mistakes, but if I want to be a Professional Pagan, I need to figure it out. So I think for a good amount of time and pray and try to pull together a reasonable answer.

In this case, a reader told me that she was having trouble letting go after an abusive relative passed away and asked what she should do.

Firstly, letting go doesn't mean forgetting, by any stretch of the imagination. You're never going to forget anyway . . .and sometimes it's good to remember. In my particular situation where I've chosen not to forgive, I was journaling nearly every day trying to sort through my feelings during that time. When it's the "anniversary" of that time, I re-read those journal entries to remind myself how horrible that time in my life was but also to really focus on all of the positive changes I've made in my life since then and to remind myself that if I hold onto it too tightly it will eat me up inside until there's nothing left.

Some days, this is easier than others. Unfortunately, there will likely never come a time where you are completely free of this weight you carry, there will likely always be bad days. As to what can make it easier to live with and what can help you from having it eat you up inside, there are a few things - journaling through your feelings, as sometimes revelations come that way, figuring out if you feel any negative emotions towards yourself about it and working to heal those feelings, figuring out what kind of positive changes would make you feel less helpless now if you feel that way - learning a martial art or reminding yourself as much as needed that he can't hurt you anymore and that now as an adult, you're captain of your own ship and you can do whatever you want and lead whatever kind of life you want to lead and no one can stop you and no one can have control over you again like he did when you were a child because you were forced to live in that situation day in and day out. Now, you can chose who is in your life. Living well really and truly is the best revenge, it shows that that person could not keep you from leading a happy and satisfying life, no matter what they did to try to hurt you.

If you don't work with any deities in particular, I feel like working with Diana could be healing for you. Forming a close relationship with a god or goddess can sometimes help guide us through dark times. Prayer can really help I find. Sincerely ask Her for help to guide you through figuring out how to let go of as much of this burden that you carry. Offer Her offerings of light (tealights) and water (I use a little shot glass and fill it with tap water) whenever you can (I do mine anywhere from weekly to monthly depending on the month). Offer Her praise for the things you're grateful about in your life. In terms of a ritual, I think doing a rite to formally cut ties with your relative would be healing.

You can craft your own rite of course, but in case you're not sure, maybe this may work:

You'll need:
A picture of the two of you together
Yarn
Basil
Chamomile
Fennel seed
Mint
Small muslin bag
Salt
Paper and pen
White candles
A bath tub
A small shovel
Scissors


Make an offering to Diana and ask for Her help in your rite. Write down all of the things you want to let go of from what your relative did to you and write down why you need to be separated completely from him. Cut him out of the picture and wrap your paper around it, wrapping the paper away from you. Wrap the yarn around the paper/picture while saying, "I free myself from you/by my will I see this through". Take it outside and bury it some place and then walk away without turning back. Light the candles around the tub and fill it with water and sprinkle the salt into it and then fill the small muslin bag with the herbs. Visualize yourself being free from his influence and free from the burden you carry. Think about all of that negativity being washed off of you with the water, salt and herbs leaving you open to have positive influences come into your life. When you are done bathing and you let the water go down the drain, focus on all of the burden and negativity going down the drain with it. Whenever things get rough for you, make an offering to Diana and repeat the bath.

[Pagan Agony Auntie] Moar Honey Pots

As always, if you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like!

A reader asked a bit ago about what a honey pot is. I need to preface this with the fact that I am not a root worker and I am a neophyte at best in hoodoo. If you would like to speak to an actual hoodoo adult, check out:
Association of Independent Readers and Root Workers

Lucky Mojo

Old Style Conjure

cat yronwode gives a lot of good background and example spell workings over at Lucky Mojo, including supplies should you wish to purchase them.

That said, we'll put it into my words here. Honey pots are used traditionally in Hoodoo to bring money to you and also to potentially sweeten someone towards you (such as an ex you're trying to win back, your boss, a new love interest, the judge in a court case). I find honey pots to be an inexpensive "slow and steady" way to keep generating income.

I started to say you don't need a strong background in hoodoo to use a honey jar, but like all magical practices that depends on what you're going to do with it. If you want to use it to draw money, that's pretty basic and can be done by just about anyone. If you're starting to get into sweetening specific people toward you (i.e. using it as an influencing tool) and potentially bending them to your will, well, you better know what you're doing, champ because I'm sure as hell not going to help you out of a mess. I am not at all opposed to using a honey jar for that purpose, but you need to really be able to assess your magical prowess accurately so that you know if you can really handle any kind of fallout that may come from your working (again, like with any other working) should it go wrong (and in some cases, should it go right!).

How to Make a Honey Jar to Attract Income

Ingredients:
A small hinged-lidded glass jar

Honey (you can use other sweetners, dare I say even sweetners like Equal or Splenda but I always use honey, preferably local)

A pinch of Irish Moss (steady flow of money)

A pinch of Chamomile (to hold onto your money)

A pinch of Cinnamon (to attract money quickly, it's a "heating" herb)

Small green taper candles

Money drawing oil

A small piece of paper bag

A pen

A pin

Matches (or a gas stove)

1. Write out your petition on your piece of paper bag. Write what you're trying to draw to you (a new job, a raise, job security, a second income stream, paid artistic gigs, etc.) but make sure your pen doesn't leave the page. Neatness doesn't count here, continuity does. Fold it up tightly towards you (to bring the money towards you).

2. Put the petition paper in the jar. Put the herbs in the jar. Pour honey over the herbs and paper until your jar is full. Seal the jar.

3. Pray over your jar. Psalms are typically recommended, if that's your bag rock out. If not figure out what is. (I usually pray/enchant/put my will into it and end it with "Please do this in the name of God Herself.")

4. Etch into your candle your intent. It can be words, symbols, runes, again, whatever's your bag. Dress your candle by putting a little bit of oil on it and rub the oil into the candle *towards* you.

5. If fire scares you, make sure your sink is cleared for this part. Put the honey jar into your cauldron or sink and light the candle. Melt a few drops onto the lid of your jar. Stick the candle onto the melted wax on top of your jar. I find it best to let it burn out in one go which is why I recommend small candles.

7. If you're on the ball, repeat steps 3-5 weekly. If you're a slag like myself, monthly has sufficed so far.

[Pagan Agony Auntie] On Honey Pots

As always, if you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like!

Today's question:
A while back, I made myself a money-and-employment-and-contracts honey pot.

The message I put in it covered a lot of different options, some of which I no-longer want to pull on. I'm currently wanting to narrow those options a bit in order to come-hither the specific kinds of paid work that I actually want to do. My question is: How do I go about "updating" my honey pot?

Do I just cut the seal, open the jar, switch out the message, reseal it and get going? Do I need to start over completely? (If it's the latter, do I have to do anything Special in order to de-activate the current one and dispose of the contents, or can I just up-end the thing into my compost bucket?) Do I need to do something entirely different that just hasn't occurred to me yet?

I figured of all the magical folks I hang out with, you would probably know best on this one. Help?

I took a bit chewing on this because I wanted to figure out what I would do. On one hand, waste-not-want-not. As we have previously discussed here, we have reassembled/updated Jow's Mojo Hand due to an Unfortunate Incident With the Washer/Dyer. But . . .while he did update his petition paper, there was nothing in the previous petition paper that had something he *no longer wanted*. I think that's the key part there, if you've had a petition paper marinading with possibly herbs or other whatnots related to the no longer desired items, it seems really difficult to separate that out from the previous magical workings, I think the previous workings would confuse the current/future workings personally.

You mentioned that your previous working was more general and you want it to become a lot more specific which also makes me think that it may be better to start from the beginning. I know it's a drag - starting a magical working over is a pain because you have to squirrel around for supplies and you lose out on the previous workings' energy that has been accumulating, but if it's not the right focus . . .as an example all the plumbing jobs offered to you in the world won't matter if you're trying to get clients to be an accountant. And if your previous jar was wired for "plumbing jobs" and not "accounting jobs" . . .it's not going to do you much good.

The proper way to dispose of it would be to thank it for all its hard work and to release it from its work to go onto other things and leave the honey jar at a crossroads or to bury it. Would I be incredibly tempted to thank/release it and then upend it into my compost heap and recycle the jar as it's kinder to Gaia? Yes. Is that the "proper" thing to do? No. Would I likely do it anyway for this particular working? Yes.

Final Wishes

A Witchvox reader recently asked me what I thought should be done to ensure that her wishes were followed to have a Wiccan funeral, what to do for the funeral and what to do about her Catholic family, though her children are fine with her religion.

My response:

The best thing you can do imo is to start by making a will if you haven't already with your wishes in it and inform your kids (or next of kin) about your decision. Having this document legally drawn up by a lawyer will insure that your wishes are followed. Next, I would say you want to decide who you would like to conduct your burial for you and to inform them that while you are not dying, you want to plan for your future and ensure someone you know and trust conducts the ceremony for you. I personally would then consider a few points:

* How do I want my life celebrated? It's often natural that some people will be sad and grieve if your passing is sudden or unexpected, how would you like to celebrate your life while still leaving room for grieving? A picture board? A dvd with your happiest moments? For people to share memories of you?

* Think of this as one of the most important rituals you'll go through. What do you want to wear for it? Which chants/hymns, etc. do you want to be sang during it? Which god/dess/es do you want invoked to assist you in your passing? Are there any readings from any sacred texts that you want? Do you want to be buried with any other objects? Or herbs? What kind of flowers or charities do you want to use?

* How do you want to be buried? In the ground naturally? Cremated and your ashes spread in a special place? Interned? A standard burial with a fancy coffin? What cemetary do you want to be buried at if you want to be buried? What kind of headstone if so?

* Your family who is Catholic are going to need to grieve your loss too. Are you willing to do a traditional wake in addition to your Wiccan burial? Have a priest involved at all even for a short prayer for them? Prayers to Mary? Or allow for a memorial service where you're not present but gives them a chance to grieve in a way that's familiar to them?

* Make sure your affairs are in order - that your children (or next of kin) know where your important papers are, that they know how your life insurance works (if applicable), how to access security boxes and bank accounts, where your deed and car title is if applicable and that they know who your lawyer is and what your wishes are in terms of a long hospital stay (do you not want to be kept alive through machines? Do you want a do not resuscitate order? If you have a long term terminal illness, do you want hospice care?)

Have a question? Email me at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com

But I like you/ although you don't know it/ I like you so much I talk to everyone but you

As I previously mentioned, I'm def open to taking questions (feel free to email me at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dot] [com]) about your magical quandaries and I am happy to give you my two cents. An anonymous reader expressed that she's often shy around boys and explained some of the things she's doing to work on it mundanely and queried what she should do magically.

First off, oh girl do I relate! If I like someone and I'm caught off guard about it, my response is to answer that person tersely, never look at zir, not instigate conversation and freeze up when s/he touches me in any way. OBVIOUSLY I MUST be interested!

Let's talk mundane tactics and then get to the magic awesome.

1. It's a panic response and it can be hard to train yourself out of it. But certainly not impossible. Think about what makes you do that. For me, if I'm in an unfamiliar setting and I don't know a lot of people and I don't know what the acceptable social convention is and other people all know each other, I flail. I flail because I don't know how to find basic things like food, water and the bathroom and I feel dumb for not knowing. HOWEVER. If you put me in a place where I know some people, generally know how to behave and what to expect, I can turn on the charm like whoa. Try to figure out what factors can help you do better.

2. Try reading The Game. Now, a lot of people get v. huffy puffy about this book and (YMMV of course) honestly? As a feminist I didn't find anything offensive about it - he empathizes how not to freak out women and if you fail, it's your fault not hers so you need to fix your game. Not all of it will apply necessarily and by the end it felt like a lot to juggle (all the hooking and stories and postures) but some of it is really helpful. I'm not great at approaching people unless it's literally my job, a lot of the advice was pretty helpful to me just in terms of that.

3. Try different venues for dating. For me, I tend to meet people a few ways: 1. As a friend of a friend at a party. 2. the intertubes 3. at a convention (where we have common interests) 4. Some combination there of. I've gone on a date where I met someone at a club or bar precisely once. I enjoy going, but it's not where I'm going to make a love connection. Try speed dating, try "it's just lunch", ask a friend to set you up, try a common interest place (renfaire, book club, con, wine club, whatever's your thing), try OKC, try a club and figure out where *you* do best.

Onto the magic-y goodness!

1. Start by writing down some things you would like in a partner while burning a red candle (ideally with some rose oil on it or a rose scented candle). Ask your god/dess/es for their help, maybe make them an offering of some kind of sweet and/or champagne. Sprinkle dried rose petals on the paper, roll it towards you and seal the paper with the red candle wax and put it in your lingerie drawer.

2. Glamour-ize yourself! Whenever you are going somewhere you could potentially meet someone, wear whatever makes you feel like a local goddess. If you don't wear heels, don't! Grimacing won't help you make a good impression. If you feel super hot in a tank top and jeans that make your ass look like *bam!*, wear that! But dress with intent. I find putting make up on to be soothing to this end (and if you don't, disregard), I feel like I'm carefully putting on an Amazon mask of glamourous awesomeness. Body image issues can be difficult for many people (and oh do I know first hand) but I find it imperative to be able to look in the mirror and say (issues and all), Goddamn I look amazing! And if you can't, I recommend a fake it til you make it approach (i.e. keep saying it to yourself every time you pass a mirror til you start to believe it).

3. And then kick it up a notch. Using an eyeshadow brush, concentrate on putting your will for what you want to happen into the symbols/words you inscribe onto yourself using clear hand sanitizer. Seal your sigils using Come to Me oil (I happen to like this particular brand and this particular shop).