Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Honey Badger as Your Emergency Totem: A Kiss With a Fist is Better Than None

So, my friend DonCoyote suggested that all of his circle of friends take up the Honey Badger as their new totems (he's sort of shamany by way of White Wolf). My first thought was, a badger? WTF is a badger going to do? Chew on things? In my head, badgers were in the same vague category as a beaver. Oh no no no no, bear as a small child I once knew would say. Watch the video. For real. I'll wait.



Honey badgers are straight up frightening. Their bravery shoots way past stupidity and right into terrifying. ARE YOU TRYING TO START SOMETHING WITH ME, LION? HUH? HUH? I WILL END YOU! SNAKE, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE VENOMOUS DOESN'T MEAN SHIT, BRO! I'MA BITE YOUR HEAD OFF, PASS OUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND THEN WAKE UP FRESH AS A DAISY TO FINISH EATING YOUR CORPSE!

Naturally, I entertained the idea of soliciting the honey badger into my coterie o' spirits after learning this . . .for like a second. And then I thought about what a person who follows honey badger would act like. More cunning than Lady MacBeth, braver than Beatrice and crazier than Ophelia. In other words, Georgina Sparks (played by the awesome Michelle Trachtenberg) from GossipGirl who makes Blair Waldorf look like an innocent babe in the woods. Now, don't get me wrong. I loves me some Georgie. . .on the telly. I would never want to emulate her because while her crazy is awesome, it's also terrifying and hella chaotic.

Now. Our friend Jason Miller has managed to permeate the permanent fog in my brain usually taken up by reality television and gossip to drill into it the mantra for every magic user worth her salt, "Emergency magic is bad magic." This has managed to stick with me along with other important mantras such as, Guests of guests do not bring guests! and Time is not money, time is your life!

And he's right. When you're desperate, you're not thinking clearly, you're not planning properly and your casting is likely going to be somewhat chaotic. If you are often in need of money, you need to be constantly working on your income streams and doing magic to ensure everything keeps working right. If you're often love lorn, make sure you're trying different methods of dating, grooming and keeping up a steady stream of magic.

But. I also know that sometimes we all have the problem outlined in a song from Repo: The Genetic Opera, and none of us are free from this horror/ for many years ago, we all fell in debt . . .where our backs are up against a wall and either we hadn't been doing everything we could be possibly doing to prevent it or whatever we were doing simply wasn't enough. And we're in trouble.

This is where I would suggest using the Honey Badger as a *very* desperate *very* last ditch attempt to get your shit together. With the *very* strong caveat that he may change up your internal landscape permanently, he may change your life permanently and there's a chance you may pick up some mental illness along the way. Of course, there's also the chance that he may help you to become faster, braver, stronger and more cunning and bring abundance (honey badgers don't generally starve, even on the Savannah). Those are some hardcore dice to be rolling however, my friend so think *very* carefully before rolling them. If you do though - blog or it never happened!

2 comments:

Steve said...

Just an after thought and suggestion,

Wolverines get the job done as well without the HOLY SHIT D: factor. They have many of the same factors as ratels, without the classification as being the meanest animal in the kingdom.

They're resourceful little shits and don't completely risk themselves for the sake of solution. They'd be more self preserving but still scary as hell (As in chasing off wolf packs and bears from their kills XD These things weigh 30 pounds), and have their own selves in mind.

So um yeah, I just wanted to put my two cents in from working with wolverines as a totems in these situations - and just myself have found it to be less scary!risky!dangerous with the same result. c:

I don't think I've posted a comment before. But I've been enjoying your blog a while -wave-

Pallas Renatus said...

Did that fucking badger just attack a cobra in a tree? Dear lord do I have a new respect for them.

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