Honey Badger as Your Emergency Totem: A Kiss With a Fist is Better Than None

So, my friend DonCoyote suggested that all of his circle of friends take up the Honey Badger as their new totems (he's sort of shamany by way of White Wolf). My first thought was, a badger? WTF is a badger going to do? Chew on things? In my head, badgers were in the same vague category as a beaver. Oh no no no no, bear as a small child I once knew would say. Watch the video. For real. I'll wait.



Honey badgers are straight up frightening. Their bravery shoots way past stupidity and right into terrifying. ARE YOU TRYING TO START SOMETHING WITH ME, LION? HUH? HUH? I WILL END YOU! SNAKE, JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE VENOMOUS DOESN'T MEAN SHIT, BRO! I'MA BITE YOUR HEAD OFF, PASS OUT FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND THEN WAKE UP FRESH AS A DAISY TO FINISH EATING YOUR CORPSE!

Naturally, I entertained the idea of soliciting the honey badger into my coterie o' spirits after learning this . . .for like a second. And then I thought about what a person who follows honey badger would act like. More cunning than Lady MacBeth, braver than Beatrice and crazier than Ophelia. In other words, Georgina Sparks (played by the awesome Michelle Trachtenberg) from GossipGirl who makes Blair Waldorf look like an innocent babe in the woods. Now, don't get me wrong. I loves me some Georgie. . .on the telly. I would never want to emulate her because while her crazy is awesome, it's also terrifying and hella chaotic.

Now. Our friend Jason Miller has managed to permeate the permanent fog in my brain usually taken up by reality television and gossip to drill into it the mantra for every magic user worth her salt, "Emergency magic is bad magic." This has managed to stick with me along with other important mantras such as, Guests of guests do not bring guests! and Time is not money, time is your life!

And he's right. When you're desperate, you're not thinking clearly, you're not planning properly and your casting is likely going to be somewhat chaotic. If you are often in need of money, you need to be constantly working on your income streams and doing magic to ensure everything keeps working right. If you're often love lorn, make sure you're trying different methods of dating, grooming and keeping up a steady stream of magic.

But. I also know that sometimes we all have the problem outlined in a song from Repo: The Genetic Opera, and none of us are free from this horror/ for many years ago, we all fell in debt . . .where our backs are up against a wall and either we hadn't been doing everything we could be possibly doing to prevent it or whatever we were doing simply wasn't enough. And we're in trouble.

This is where I would suggest using the Honey Badger as a *very* desperate *very* last ditch attempt to get your shit together. With the *very* strong caveat that he may change up your internal landscape permanently, he may change your life permanently and there's a chance you may pick up some mental illness along the way. Of course, there's also the chance that he may help you to become faster, braver, stronger and more cunning and bring abundance (honey badgers don't generally starve, even on the Savannah). Those are some hardcore dice to be rolling however, my friend so think *very* carefully before rolling them. If you do though - blog or it never happened!

Retro Recipe Monday: Moar Cooking with Company

The next morning, I'm late as usual
Karen's there fresh as a daisy
She says with a smile, "You look like hell
And where you last night?"

The holidaze has been full of visiting with all of my family and a near constant food/champagne food coma. So much so, that Jow and I decided to start our own experiment on changing our life habits. So far, it's a pain in the ass. It's not magical per se, though whenever exerting one's will over the universe/inertia is really, so I will be more tumblr'ing and tweeting about that and other things like my terrible tv habits and learning to use my spinning wheel.

BTW, in case you were wondering, the cats like our new popcorn popper about as much as they like the vacuum. But . . .they're also super high on holiday catnip, so . . .paranoid trade off.

Onto the recipe!

Rosy Ham Ring
Letters from women, praising this pretty loaf, prompt us to reprint the recipe from our Freezing & Canning Cookbook.

3 lbs. ground smoked ham
1 lb. ground pork
2 eggs
1 3/4 c. graham cracker crumbs
1 1/2 c. milk
1/2 tsp. ground allspice
Tomato Basting Sauce


* Combine all ingredients except sauce; mix well. In a 16x11" baking pan, shape with hands to make a ring (or loaf) about 10' across. Pour over half of sauce.

* Bake in moderate oven (350 degrees) minutes; pour remaining sauce and bake 45 minutes longer, basting several times with sauce. Makes 12 to 14 servings.

Tomato Basting Sauce: Combine 1 can condensed tomato soup, 1/2 c. vinegar, 1/2 c. brown sugar and 1 1/2 tsp. prepared mustard.

Note: You can mix this loaf a few days early and freeze it. Allow a little longer cooking time. At serving time fill the center of the ring with buttered peas, corn or succotash.

Model UN and Solstice

Me: Filthy Reclaimist accustomed to improv and compromise in a rit, more of a group practitioner than private practitioner, roots in less book oriented spirituality such as Dianic Wicca, Shamanism, Hoodoo and Kitchen Witchery.

Jow: Ceremonial Magician, accustomed to working alone in a structured setting, roots in things that require a lot of reading like Hermeticism and other ceremonial traditions, raised as an only child (his older sisters were grown).

Now do a ritual together!

The planning always ends with me simultaneously wanting to strangle Jow and bang my own head against a desk until I stop moving. The *easy* and *obvious* answer is to stop working together but that seems like a cop out to me, since we live together and both do magic. And while yes, as per the blogosphere, the Solstice/Full Moon/Eclipse has many convoluted meanings and ramifications to it, I was excited to do magic on a day where these things haven't happened simultaneously in over four hundred years. Also, I am currently unemployed and can stay up til 3:30a so I wanted to take that while I could get it.

Picture it! We're in our living room, we've just devoured tasty tacos and are feeling pretty good. We cleaned ALL THINGS (at least all closets, pantries and fridge) and things are looking good.

Then we start talking litergy.

Me: I'd like to raise energy together to focus together on our work.

Him: Okay.

Me: Keen! Okay, maybe a song or a chant?

Him: Sounds good.

Me: (Suggests like NINTY BILLION songs and chants coming from various pagan traditions as well as modern songs and potentially playing music and just rocking out)

Him: (Rejects everything)

Me: (Asks him to suggest something)

Him: (suggests something unpronounceable)

Me: (Explains the point of raising energy as I was taught was to get focused, in an egregor, etc which means everyone needs to pronounce it and the meaning of the words are important but . . .pronunciation is more important)

Him: (Rejects further ideas)

Me: (Gets aggravated)

Him: (FINALLY suggests to use the chant from the movie The Craft)

Me: AFTER AN HOUR OF RESEARCH AND SUGGESTION, THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT TO USE? SOMETHING FROM A MOVIE!

Him: Yes.

Me: But you said -- Rrrrrrrrrrrgh.

Him: You like the chant though.

Me (sulkily): Yes.

Him: So let's use it.

Me: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

Forget even getting into the conversation about purification. Eventually, he said, I just need things to be explained as to why you would want to use them. I said, um, telling me that would have been muy helpful. Him: Oh . . .right.


We then discussed if working together magically was going to be possible. Mind you, neither of us were used to being up super late anymore so we were both feeling cranky. After a cup of tea, we had decided to try to do work in Cornish witchcraft we were both enamoured of from a video.

Why this will (probably) work:

1. We already bought stuff for a Wiccan altar and would like to use it.

2. Jow expressed interest in learning trad witchcraft.

3. I expressed interest in learning more formalized witchcraft.

4. We like the British lady from the video, she uses a neat . . . like boomarang on a string to draw her space.

5. I would like to learn more formalized practice and have more of a personal at home practice with rituals.

6. Jow wants to learn more about "Gen Ed" paganism and how to work in a group with others.

7. We would only need to buy a couple books.


But, this is for the future. Despite crankiness and difficulty, we managed to put together a lovely, simple ritual that resonated with both of us. We started by ringing a bell and then smudging with sage. Jow invoked to Ganesha as gatekeeper, I invoked the moon. We did our chant (which did work wonderfully for us, sulkiness aside, he hit the nail right on the head there) and had two of our fanciest glasses and a bottle of St. Germaine (which is currently the fanciest and most coveted booze we own right now) and we each took turns invoking our personal god/desses and making our petitions. It flowed really well and naturally and it had a quiet kind of power to it. We had two candles lit and our little rosemary christmas tree in the center of our table with our grapevine star. We both were v. eloquent if I do say so myself and poured libations. We then went outside to admire the eclipse and the moon (so crystal clear and gorgeous) and to offer our libations.

We weren't going to do a divination as to how our spellwork went and that turned out to be a correct instinct. Because at ADF GoG when we do so, it's "So gods! How'd you like the party?" And they're either like, it was awesome! Good things are coming!/Let me warn you about some things . . .Or occasionally, outcome unclear. (Generally when the invited guests were unsure as to how to behave at the party. Like, being invited into a cultural party where you don't have any idea of what's going on and you're like, the food was weird but okay? I couldn't understand the people? But it was nice of them to invite me?) Once in a v. great while, something that borders on, Boooo! Did not like!

Our cards both came out v. "Good things could happen from this! Or bad! I don't know!" Which I think was more of the result of us asking for a whole lot of things and not yet having done any real work towards it. It was asking a lot to get a solid yay or nay this early in, it felt v. much like the wheel was still spinning.

But all in all, the rit was v. solid and felt like it went well. I'm glad we did it!

Retro Recipe Monday: Pineapple-Cheese Salad

Oh you scamp, Cooking for Company. For you, Charmers, I have marked so many recipes in here. While I was doing so (sober!), I kept saying to J^1 and J^2, "these things that I know, I cannot unknow!" More and more frantically and then eventually just despondently as the evening went on.

Pain shared is pain multiplied!

Pineapple-Cheese Salad

A church supper special that's also a winner in "at home" guest meals

2 pkgs. lemon flavor gelatin
2 c. boiling water
2 c. cold water
6 bananas, peeled and sliced
2 c. miniature or cut up marshmallows
1/2 c. sugar
3 tblsp. cornstarch
2 (8 1/2 oz.) cans crushed pineapple, undrained
1 c. heavy cream
1 c. shredded Cheddar cheese

* Dissolve gelatin in boiling water; add cold water and chill until syrupy. Stir in sliced bananas and marshmallows. Pour into 13 x 9 x 2" pan. Chill until set.

* Mix sugar and cornstarch; add to undrained pineapple. Cook over medium heat, stirring consistently, until thickened. Cool.

* Whip heavy cream and fold into cooled pineapple mixture along with half of the shredded cheese. Spread mixture on congealed lemon gelatin.

* Sprinkle remainder of shredded cheese over top. Chill overnight. Cut into squares. Makes 12 to 15 servings.

Festival Celebrations Notes, Pictures and Recipes

Gordon made an excellent post about having one's own festival of festivals and I decided, why not!

Agonalia – December 11
My sacrifice came in the form of continuing to work to reorganize our condo so that I will have an easier time crafting and working on putting together our office in Spare Oom. I put together a new centerpiece on our living room table - green/gold taffeta (cha-ching!), gold yarn balls in a trifle dish, green crystals and small bits of metal with words like "love" and "inspiration" on them. I also spoke extensively to my crafting partner about starting to go to shows, etc.

The Feast of the Virgin of Guadalupe - December 12
The Lady of Guadalupe has been v. kind to myself and my family and I wanted to show my appreciation to her for all the kindness she's shown me. So I got her a bouquet of flowers in whites and blue-purples with a blue cloth wrapped around them. I also gave her a small chocolate cake and lit her candle and said a Hail Mary and read her psalm and gave thanks.

Longest Night - December 13
When I think longest night, I will confess, I think of Kushiel's which means I think of alternate history France, Terre d'Ange where they would have sexy naughty parties to celebrate, while toasting to the Longest Night with tiny cups of joie. Which sounds exactly how I want to celebrate! It's also Jow's birthday. Since money has been a bit tight this year for everyone, my friend who was going to have a Longest Night Masque had to cancel. We made a menu of French inspired food that also has bright sunny flavors and lit a lot of tealights in the living room. We also decided to watch an old movie that took place in France. Jow and I decided celebrate anyway. The author has gone on record saying that St. Germain is the closest equivalent to joie. I had never had St. Germain before, but I got to try it in a cocktail recently. We started with a straight shot of it to toast the Longest Night and it was like drinking delicious flowers. Our bottle happened to be unreasonably difficult to open, but we eventually managed it.

Appetizer: Lemon-Thyme Ricotta Appetizer

1 cup part skim ricotta
8 sprigs of thyme, leaves only
1/2 lemon, juiced and zested
1 tablespoon honey
bag of bruscetta toast
salt and pepper to taste

Mix all the ingredients together except the toasts. Microwave for 1 minute. Put on toasts.

Cocktail: French Greyhound

2 pink grapefruits, juiced
12 counts vodka
6 counts St. Germaine

Mix together in a pitcher. Serve chilled, in martini glasses. Makes . . .8 cocktails? That part is admittedly a little blurry.

Dinner: Ribbon Pasta in a Pistou Sauce with Sausage

1 package egg ribbon pasta
2 bunches basil
2 vine ripe tomatoes, deseeded
4 cloves garlic
1/4 pound good gouda (I recommend 5 year)
1/2 lemon, juiced
3 capfuls of olive oil
Salt and Pepper
1 pack Chicken Andouille Sausage

Put the basil, tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, gouda, lemon and salt and pepper into a food processor and pulse until it's at a pesto consistency. Grill the sausage on a Foreman grill and cut into pieces. Make the ribbon noodles according to the package. Drain. Mix the pistou together with the pasta and sausage. Serve.

By now, if you're doing things correctly, you are likely v. drunk.

Dessert: Sugar Cookies with Lemon Curd

1 package of soft baked sugar cookies
3 tablespoons of lemon curd

Put the lemon curd in a ramekin. Dip the cookies which came made in the package into the lemon curd. Nom!

Recipe Monday: Postponed Until Tuesday

I'm postponing until Tuesday as we will be celebrating Longest Night tonight and I want to test run the recipes tonight and post them tomorrow.

The menu to keep you interested:
Lemon-Thyme Bruschetta Appetizer
Ribbon Pasta with Pista and Grilled Sausage
Madelines or Lemon bars (from the bakery though I know how to make Madelines)
French Greyhound Cocktails

L. and the Surprise Tree

L.: sorry got distracted when getting coffee
on the other hand suprise tree is watered

me: . . . .?

L.: we got back from thanksgiving and found a tree planted out front

me: by a mysterious force?
or do we know by whom?

L.: fairmount park commision
we had applied last year to get a tree planted, heard nothing. spring came and went and no tree, so we figured our letter got lost in the mail

me: lol
omg

L.: tree was a surprise as well, i can't think of anyone who would plant a tree after there had been snow in the air

me: that's pretty awesome

L.: i just hope it doesn't die

me: to make sure it doesn't die, you should wassail it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wassailing

L.: i think my singing at the tree might encourage its suicide

me: there's also something about bread and wool too i think
i did it once

L.: i think the tree spirits would be more inclined to listen to you than to me. also its not an apple tree

me: bah!
they still want attention
you could try hugs?

L.: ...you are just trying to make my neighbors think i'm all sorts of "special" aren't you?

me: when your tree dies i'll do the i told you so dance ;p

L.: when my tree dies it will because it was planted in the wrong damn season

Later . . .

L.: woot! i think i finally perfected the way i have to do things
/me is now happy and should make progress quickly?

me: . . .yes.
the tree said so.
it will be a quick way to determine if your new tree is a liar or not.

L.: you have a telepathic bond with my tree?

me: not yet.
but it im'ed me.
Tree: Tell Lisa progress will go well.
Me: How do I know if I can believe you, Tree?
Tree: Would a tree lie?
Me: . . . no?
Now it has an away message up about how it just leveled up in his game.
I didn't think to ask which one.

L.: ...its like a combination between the kite eating tree and hobbes

The End!

Songs as Spells: I ain't got much book learnin'/ but I've got charms to win the race . . .

So, here's where my Hollow Ones methods really come to light. True confession time, Charmers (that's what I'm calling you from now on readers, hope it's cool!), my biggest stumbling point with Hoodoo is the use of Psalms. It . . .just does not do it for me generally speaking and really doesn't do it for me with the Psalms typically used. They just don't resonate with me and if it doesn't resonate then . . .how do I complete the spell?

Sure, as a writer I can occasionally come up with clever rhymes of my own but . . .it's limited to a certain extent. It can be hard for me to really raise energy that way sometimes to put into the spell and to focus since I don't have much of a meditation background. Well, you know what helps? Songs. Preferably modern songs. Think about things like Bards and how powerful their words can be. A really good song writer/singer/musical arrangement can be uberpowerful and really add a punch to your spellwork. It also really helps me focus because the song (I usually either "play" it in my head, actually play it or sing it, depending on the work) keeps my monkey brain busy enough to really focus on the work at hand. And as the words really crescendo, so does the spell. My suggestions are going to be v. based on what I'm into, you can substitute whatever you like and whatever works for you.

If you give this a try, drop me an email or a comment and let me know how it goes!

Trancing
Florence + The Machine: Cosmic Love
Relevant Lyrics: The stars/ the moon/ have all been blown out/ you left me in the dark/ no dawn/ no day/ I'm always in the twilight in the shadow of your heart/ but in the dark/ I can hear your heart beat/ I tried to find the sun/ but then/ I was in the darkness/ so darkness I became/ The stars!/ The moon!

Florence + The Machine: Raise It Up (Rabbit Heart)
Relevant Lyrics: The looking glass, so shiny and new/ How quickly the glamour fades/ I start spinning, slipping out of time/ Was it the wrong pill to take/ Raise up it!/ We raise it up, this offering/ We raise it up/ This is a gift/ it comes with a price/ Who is the lamb and who is the knife?

Money/Prosperity

Hole: Doll Parts
Relevant Lyrics: Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do/ Yeah they really want you, they really want you, but I do too/ I want to be the girl with the most cake

The Tiny: Everything is Free Now
Relevant Lyrics: I could get a straight job/ I've done it before/I never minded working hard/ It is who I'm working for/ Or I could get a tip job/ gas up a car/ or try to make a little change/ down at the bar/ Every day I wake up/ Am humming this song/ and I don't need to run around/ I can just stay at home/ and sing this little love song/ for the love in myself/ if there's something that you wanna hear/ you can sing it yourself/ Cause everything is free now/ That's what I say

Love/Lust Related Spells

Florence + the Machine: Drumming Song
Relevant Lyrics: Louder than sirens/ Louder than bells/ Sweeter than heaven/ And hotter than hell/ As I move my feet towards your body/ I can hear this beat/ and it gets louder and louder/ I run to the river/ I pray that the water will drown out the din/ But as the water fills my mouth/ It couldn't wash the echoes out/ But as the water fills my mouth/ It couldn't wash the echoes out/ I swallow the sound and it swallows me whole/ Till there's nothing left inside my soul/ As empty as that beating drum/ But the sound has just begun. . . .

Fiona Apple: First Taste
Relevant Lyrics: I do not struggle in your web/ for it was my aim to get caught/ but daddy longlegs I fear/ That I'm finally getting weary/ of waiting to be consumed by you/ Give me the first taste/ heaven cannot wait forever/ Darling just start the chase/ but you must make the endeavor . . .

Rasputina: If Your Kisses Can't Hold the Man You Love
Relevant Lyrics: Every time that I hear a woman cry 'cos her man has left her flat
I just feel like saying, "don't be such a fool, you fool."/ Better dry your eyes, can't you realize/ You gain nothing by that/ Well, that's no way to keep his heart warm, baby,/ When his love grows cool/ Don't cry for him or chase him/ Just go out and replace him/ With some good looking Tom, Dick or Jack/ 'Cos if your kisses won't hold the man you love / Then your tears won't bring him back

Hexing

The Pierces: Ruin
Relevant Lyrics: I do not want for you to be happy/ I do not want for you to be happy/ All that I want/ is for you to come to ruin/ all that I want/ is for you to come to ruin/ I want you to come to ruin/ I want you to come to ruin. . .

April March: Chick Habit
Relevant Lyrics: hang up the chick habit / hang it up, daddy, / a girl's not a tonic or a pill / hang up the chick habit /hang it up, daddy, /you're just jonesing for a spill / oh, how your bubble's gonna burst / when you meet another nurse
she'll be driving in a hearse / you're gonna need a heap of glue / when they all catch up with you and they cut you up in two / now your ears are ringing / the birds have stopped their singing /everything is turning grey . . .

Amy Winehouse: Back to Black
Relevant Lyrics: He left no time to regret / Kept his dick wet / With his same old safe bet /Me and my head high / And my tears dry / Get on without my guy / You went back to what you knew / So far removed from all that we went through / And I tread a troubled track / My odds are stacked / I'll go back to black / We only said good-bye with words / I died a hundred times / You go back to her / And I go back to black

Dresden Dolls: Backstabber
Relevant Lyrics: you always struck me as the type to take it lightly /but now you’re gonna have to shut your mouth or fight me/ backstabber, backstabber/ show us what you’re good for / stick it to the noise board / come on join the bloodsport/ backstabber, backstabber, backstabber . . .

Spell Sealing

The Pierces: Sticks and Stones
Relevant Lyrics: Seven times I pierce my heart/ and now you feel the magic start/ bind thy heart and soul to me/ As I do will/ so let it be. . .

Evanesance: Bring Me to Life
Relevant Lyrics: Wake me up inside/ wake me up inside/ call my name and save me from the dark/ bid my blood to run/ Before I come undone/ Breathe into me and make me real/ Bring me to life/ wake me up/ Wake me up inside. . .

Thoughts? Additions?

Recipe Monday: Back to Cooking with Company

Another retro recipe as last night Jow and I decided to make these drinks I had at an awesome speak easy in NYC last night so we're still waking up. As a bonus, I will include that as well! Next week, I will even write up one of my own (probably).

A random note, my job's final financial arrangements are still in progress (and it's a confirmed fact, my mom's accounting company does accounting for my company so there's nothing shady going on) but final tea was had. I find this arrangement frustrating, so to rebel for the first time ever I dyed purple streaks in my hair. I have worked for The Man since I was fourteen so I was never able to. Now that I will be a freelancer (and thanks for the vids, Gordon! That was happy making this morning), I can do what I want. Next on my list: a v. small nose stud piercing in my right nostril.


As usual, if you make this (ideally with pics), you get a guest blog spot for a Recipe Monday to describe your pain.

Chicken-Nut Casserole

A well-seasoned company casserole. Nuts and celery add crunchiness.

1 stewing chicken (3 1/2 lbs. or more), simmered, covered in water until tender
1 c. chopped celery
1 c. walnuts, pecans or almonds, chopped
2 tblsp. minced onion
1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup
1 c. mayonnaise
2 tblsp. lemon juice
3/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
Fine buttered bread crumbs or crushed potato chips
Paprika

* Remove chicken meat from bones and chop. Mix with remaining ingredients, except bread crumbs and paprika.

* Turn chicken mixture into buttered 2-qt. casserole. Top with buttered bread crumbs and sprinkle with paprika.

* Bake, uncovered, in a moderate oven (350 degrees) until bubbly, about 20 minutes. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

Note: This casserole may be wrapped and frozen before or after baking.

Nouveau Vodka Cranberry (based on a recipe from Madam Geneva)

6 counts vodka
1 teaspoon cranberry preserves
Seltzer

Pour the vodka. Mix the preserves into the vodka until dissolved. Top with seltzer. Enjoy with your chicken-nut casserole!

Thanks for all the fish!

Being thankful is something I'm often thinking about. It started in college actually, when my friend Dylan and I were mopey gothity kids and the world was of course too much to bear as it often is when you're twenty. Somehow, in our correspondence, we decided we would list three things we were glad about in each email. At first there was much flailing and posturing, but we started to mean it. When I told my friend April (who was also a proper gothity child of the late 90's) she sarcastically said, What are you? Playing the Glad Game? And I said, yes.

Somehow, we went from Dylan and I playing the Glad Game to our whole circle of friends playing through email. Sometimes we'd play a lot and sometimes we'd add notes about bad things going on. When something bad was going on, people would reach out to each other, even if they were a friend of a friend of a friend. We were tied together by the Glad Game. There would be dormant periods of course, sometimes for a long time, even a year or two. But we started playing again on Facebook, though we were in a dormant phase again until like a minute ago when I restarted it. Usually I find when we are most stressed and least glad, we need it most. So I send inspiring little messages to my Pollyannas like, "Hey Pollyannas, give us a shout out! Something must be making your miserable asses happy!"

Jason's post about thankfulness of course made me think too. Before my divorce, in a lot of ways I was a very different person. I thought more, more, more would make me happy - I thought more shoes, more expensive purses, more jewelry, more thin, more achievements, more living space would all make me happy. And . . .it didn't. It just got me more debt. I wasn't happy, I was stressed and exhausted and miserable with trying to keep up the facade of being the girl with the most cake. When my divorce happened and my financial situation dramatically changed, I learned to be thankful for much simpler things. And here's the thing, I was genuinely thankful for those things. Really and truly. And I became so much happier and more appreciative for what I had.

When I feel stressed, I give thanks to my gods for all that I have, all my first world things. My list includes:
* Being a homeowner and for my Goldilocks space that's just right, more over a roof over my head
* Heat
* A car that works
* Enough writing opportunities for a career
* All my clothes
* Enough food in my mouth
* My phone and my laptop and tv (and dvr honestly) and internet access
* My couch, dining room table and bed
* My loved ones

Sometimes, it's hard to be grateful for getting what you asked for. I asked for money, ideally in the form of a severance (it's still up in the air, long story) and I got called back to my day job for a couple days. While I'm sick and it's a major headfuck and making me a complete and utter neurotic mess because I'm trying to adjust to my new life, it's money. And I need to be thankful for it. So I am.