[Pagan Agony Auntie] When Letting Go Is Especially Hard

As always, if you have a burning question that you want my input on, feel free to drop me a line at corvaxgirl [at] gmail [dottie] com and I will keep you anonymous and dazzle you with my insight or not. Whatev. As always, you're the captain of your own ship and feel free to disagree with me as often and loudly as you like!

So, I've been kind of pre-occupied with my own star showers as my PEH would say, so less blogging lately. As you may recall, I recently wrote an article for Witchvox about Letting Go, which is, like many things, a lot easier in theory than practice. Witchvox readers always make my palms sweat because their emails tend to fluster me because it's either saying super complimentary things about how I've helped them in their lives (including a recent one from a really kind older pastor gentleman) or asking for help about Serious Shit. Both are equally terrifying because most of the time I feel like a hot mess who just spouts off whatever I'm thinking about, the idea of positively affecting people I don't even know inadvertently is a good but strange feeling, it's like realizing people are actually watching you dance when you think that no one's paying attention to you. People thinking I can advise them in some really dire situations is also scary because I've certainly made my share of life mistakes, but if I want to be a Professional Pagan, I need to figure it out. So I think for a good amount of time and pray and try to pull together a reasonable answer.

In this case, a reader told me that she was having trouble letting go after an abusive relative passed away and asked what she should do.

Firstly, letting go doesn't mean forgetting, by any stretch of the imagination. You're never going to forget anyway . . .and sometimes it's good to remember. In my particular situation where I've chosen not to forgive, I was journaling nearly every day trying to sort through my feelings during that time. When it's the "anniversary" of that time, I re-read those journal entries to remind myself how horrible that time in my life was but also to really focus on all of the positive changes I've made in my life since then and to remind myself that if I hold onto it too tightly it will eat me up inside until there's nothing left.

Some days, this is easier than others. Unfortunately, there will likely never come a time where you are completely free of this weight you carry, there will likely always be bad days. As to what can make it easier to live with and what can help you from having it eat you up inside, there are a few things - journaling through your feelings, as sometimes revelations come that way, figuring out if you feel any negative emotions towards yourself about it and working to heal those feelings, figuring out what kind of positive changes would make you feel less helpless now if you feel that way - learning a martial art or reminding yourself as much as needed that he can't hurt you anymore and that now as an adult, you're captain of your own ship and you can do whatever you want and lead whatever kind of life you want to lead and no one can stop you and no one can have control over you again like he did when you were a child because you were forced to live in that situation day in and day out. Now, you can chose who is in your life. Living well really and truly is the best revenge, it shows that that person could not keep you from leading a happy and satisfying life, no matter what they did to try to hurt you.

If you don't work with any deities in particular, I feel like working with Diana could be healing for you. Forming a close relationship with a god or goddess can sometimes help guide us through dark times. Prayer can really help I find. Sincerely ask Her for help to guide you through figuring out how to let go of as much of this burden that you carry. Offer Her offerings of light (tealights) and water (I use a little shot glass and fill it with tap water) whenever you can (I do mine anywhere from weekly to monthly depending on the month). Offer Her praise for the things you're grateful about in your life. In terms of a ritual, I think doing a rite to formally cut ties with your relative would be healing.

You can craft your own rite of course, but in case you're not sure, maybe this may work:

You'll need:
A picture of the two of you together
Yarn
Basil
Chamomile
Fennel seed
Mint
Small muslin bag
Salt
Paper and pen
White candles
A bath tub
A small shovel
Scissors


Make an offering to Diana and ask for Her help in your rite. Write down all of the things you want to let go of from what your relative did to you and write down why you need to be separated completely from him. Cut him out of the picture and wrap your paper around it, wrapping the paper away from you. Wrap the yarn around the paper/picture while saying, "I free myself from you/by my will I see this through". Take it outside and bury it some place and then walk away without turning back. Light the candles around the tub and fill it with water and sprinkle the salt into it and then fill the small muslin bag with the herbs. Visualize yourself being free from his influence and free from the burden you carry. Think about all of that negativity being washed off of you with the water, salt and herbs leaving you open to have positive influences come into your life. When you are done bathing and you let the water go down the drain, focus on all of the burden and negativity going down the drain with it. Whenever things get rough for you, make an offering to Diana and repeat the bath.