Now, as we just discussed in my previous article, I don't really ascribe to needing to forgive every person in your life. If that person has crossed a boundary that is unforgivable to you and you no longer wish to have a relationship with that person and strive to have as little contact with that person as possible, congratulations! I will be more than happy to write you a note excusing you from having to forgive that person. . . Read the rest here.
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The advice on this was awesome. I recall an old highschool friendship ending a couple of years ago. She touted her reasons, and my adult son was in earshot of this personal interaction. She told me that the only reason she kept up the friendship was that I cooked well and lived in interesting places. She stated she would never contact me again. I just watched her leave and bit my tongue. Later on my son came by and said, that he heard my fight with my friend and not to worry. All the things she had accused me of were actually the things she brought up and talked to me about and not the other way around. He told me to consider myself lucky she didn't want to come by because she was rude the entire stay, she ate like a pig (his words not mine)and was basically guilty of doing everything she accused me of doing. I got a hug from my son and we both agreed that she was right. We are no longer friends and only one of us has moved on. I just suspect it wasn't her. I was a wild thing when I was young and I owned it. My son knew this, and so he would go in another room when my old school chum was recounting my old exploits with abandon and a lot of exageration. An 21 year old boy does not want to hear this crap over tea to be quite honest. I feel I can hold my head up because I worked through my anger with her and stood up for myself. Five years later and thanks to a comment like the ones you've posted today from a dear friend of mine, I was able to work out my anger and feel no animosity whatsover.
Excellent articles, both! I recently attended a retreat where they spoke of forgiveness. For most of this retreat, I was able to work with and deal with the concepts discussed without too much anxiety, but when this topic of forgiveness came up, along with the related work, I stumbled in a big way.
Nope! I just couldn't do it. Now, forgiving myself for various things, that I was able to achieve, but forgiving certain others... well, that just didn't happen and isn't going to happen.
Forgiveness is such a personal issue. Some can, some can't, and the idea that all of us should is something with which I completely disagree.
Letting go, on the other hand, absolutely. And the methods you describe for doing so are right on target in my opinion.
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