Because I'm an emotional cutter, nothing says trying to unwind from a hectic schedule of nannying and a terrible fibro flareup like reading books about French women and why everything they do is awesome including, probably, pooping.
And of course the French seem to be unbearably smug about everything from how easy it is for them to parent to not needing close friends to never getting fat to all their food to always being fashionable and having sex all the time and work life balance? What is that? We don't even need to worry about that.
So as always, upon completing a French aspirational book I'm torn between equal parts frothing jealous hatred and desperate desire to be like a French woman.
I was talking to Gordon about how there doesn't seem to be much in the way of magical practice on how not to be heavier than you would prefer. We both have theories about this, mine is a lot of blahblahblah the gods from Pagan cultures don't really understand the concept of having too much food and not enough exercise so when you're like, PLEASE YEMAYA, I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE, HALP HALP. She's like . . .explain? And I'm like, NO MORE FAT! NOT HAPPY! And She's like, you're unhappy because of your incredible access to any food whenever you want and your ginormous boobs and hips and ass that means that you'd be a good mate and mother? And I'm like. . . .yes. And she's like, girl I don't even know where to start with that.
So I've been thinking a lot about the French, living well, magic, appearance, glamour and charm/Charm.
Naturally, the French look down their nose at what I'm doing right now (working like a psycho). Jason wrote about how sometimes you just need to accept things are going to suck in order to get the things you want. And I agree with that as well and it's been what I've been doing so far this year. But I'm not good at accepting a never ending suck without end for a year. It makes me depressed and aggreviated and irritated.
So last night I called a meeting with all my personal pantheon and just made a tearful plea to help me figure out how to not be fat, how to be happy and how to still accomplish my goals. I woke up this morning ready to take on the world a little better.
What I'm Doing (and You Can Too):
1. Glamour correctly. My previous glamours weren't working right because as one of my mentors told me, I'm fishing in the wrong pond. I don't want someone in particular attracted to me, I'm not looking to get down really and I don't want anyone getting all "I must have you" and I must have mace or a restraining order. I'm looking more for light flirtation and people to think I'm charming and attractive. To this end, I'm making a mojo hand for this working (and I'll make them available if I like the way mine works) and I'm getting a new TAL oil. I'm going to contemplate new sigils as well.
2. Do you feel good about how you look on a random Tuesday? First off, I needed to get a good hair cut, so I did that. But I don't have time to flat iron at 6a for only a baby to see it. But I could get really cute hair ties to jazz up my ponytail and use a few bobby pins. I needed to figure out how to look cute while still being vomited and shat on. I got inspired from a few place to figure out what I should be wearing and created a Pintrest board to really pull my week day look together as well as figure out some pj wear and going out clothes. It really helped to focus me for what I was going for. I also developed a quick make up routine as well.
3. You Are Not Alone Besides Charmers working on their Experiments, people are working on unfucking their lives mundanely on Tumblr. I am especially fond of Cat Valente's Girl Unlocked because she's a writer too and has similar issues to me. Also she's super funny and has a great makeup routine.
4. You Don't Have to Like It, You Just Have to Do It. This motto has helped me start to get my ass to the gym three times last week. It really helped me shut my brain weasels off by going straight to the gym as soon as I got up. For me it also helped to hear that it was okay to have more pain than usual with the fibro, it was better to do it. (My current flare started on Wed due to weather changes verses gym changes. 30 degree change in a day knocks me flat on my ass every time)
5. Small Changes. Okay so the French would probably not be into us eating the same thing practically every night as we've been doing. So I just looked up some crockpot recipes to jazz things up on my Tues/Thurs which is my longest night. We just got a cleaning service because with both of us working 40+ hours a week, it was becoming ridic. A cleaning service will also keep us on top of things they don't do - decluttering, laundry, etc. I'm tired of our tea kettles always getting gross. I just ordered an electric kettle (and some fancy tea and okay, another French aspirational book because again, emotional cutter).
6. Petition the right gods and spirits. I'm working on a project that might bring me closer to the right spirit/Egregor but it's still in its baby stages. In the interim, consider Durga. Durga may not be overly invested in your weight loss per se, but She can relate to a person wanting to be as pretty, charming and smart as She is. Puja and mala work works for this.
7. How Important Is This to You? Really. I keep crying and whining about being fat, not tending to my inner garden (the French are apparently big on this), not feeling sexy, etc., etc. But what am I doing? To the French, it's apparently more important to look good than to eat that donut. So I'm going to change my eating habits and try to think more about what I'm eating and why. Daytime eating tends to be boring anyway so I have a new plan for that. I'm also going to cut down on snacks. I am a huge snacker. The French don't do that. So . . .we'll see.
St George and the Sorcerer - St George's Day. Interesting choice for a French election given the saint's widespread patronage in areas I surmised in my Archaeology of Dragons presentat...
3 days ago