Friday, March 9, 2012

Emotional Cutting, the French and Your Magical Practice

Because I'm an emotional cutter, nothing says trying to unwind from a hectic schedule of nannying and a terrible fibro flareup like reading books about French women and why everything they do is awesome including, probably, pooping. 

And of course the French seem to be unbearably smug about everything from how easy it is for them to parent to not needing close friends to never getting fat to all their food to always being fashionable and having sex all the time and work life balance?  What is that?  We don't even need to worry about that.

So as always, upon completing a French aspirational book I'm torn between equal parts frothing jealous hatred and desperate desire to be like a French woman.

I was talking to Gordon about how there doesn't seem to be much in the way of magical practice on how not to be heavier than you would prefer.  We both have theories about this, mine is a lot of blahblahblah the gods from Pagan cultures don't really understand the concept of having too much food and not enough exercise so when you're like, PLEASE YEMAYA, I DON'T WANT TO BE FAT ANYMORE, HALP HALP.  She's like . . .explain?  And I'm like, NO MORE FAT!  NOT HAPPY!  And She's like, you're unhappy because of your incredible access to any food whenever you want and your ginormous boobs and hips and ass that means that you'd be a good mate and mother?  And I'm like. . . .yes.  And she's like, girl I don't even know where to start with that.

So I've been thinking a lot about the French, living well, magic, appearance, glamour and charm/Charm. 

Naturally, the French look down their nose at what I'm doing right now (working like a psycho).  Jason wrote about how sometimes you just need to accept things are going to suck in order to get the things you want.  And I agree with that as well and it's been what I've been doing so far this year.  But I'm not good at accepting a never ending suck without end for a year.  It makes me depressed and aggreviated and irritated. 

So last night I called a meeting with all my personal pantheon and just made a tearful plea to help me figure out how to not be fat, how to be happy and how to still accomplish my goals. I woke up this morning ready to take on the world a little better.

What I'm Doing (and You Can Too):
1. Glamour correctly.   My previous glamours weren't working right because as one of my mentors told me, I'm fishing in the wrong pond.  I don't want someone in particular attracted to me, I'm not looking to get down really and I don't want anyone getting all "I must have you" and I must have mace or a restraining order.  I'm looking more for light flirtation and people  to think I'm charming and attractive.  To this end, I'm making a mojo hand for this working (and I'll make them available if I like the way mine works) and I'm getting a new TAL oil.  I'm going to contemplate new sigils as well.

2. Do you feel good about how you look on a random Tuesday?  First off, I needed to get a good hair cut, so I did that.  But I don't have time to flat iron at 6a for only a baby to see it.  But I could get really cute hair ties to jazz up my ponytail and use a few bobby pins.  I needed to figure out how to look cute while still being vomited and shat on.  I got inspired from a few place to figure out what I should be wearing and created a Pintrest board to really pull my week day look together as well as figure out some pj wear and going out clothes.   It really helped to focus me for what I was going for.  I also developed a quick make up routine as well.

3. You Are Not Alone  Besides Charmers working on their Experiments, people are working on unfucking their lives mundanely on Tumblr.  I am especially fond of Cat Valente's Girl Unlocked because she's a writer too and has similar issues to me. Also she's super funny and has a great makeup routine.

4. You Don't Have to Like It, You Just Have to Do It.  This motto has helped me start to get my ass to the gym three times last week.  It really helped me shut my brain weasels off by going straight to the gym as soon as I got up.  For me it also helped to hear that it was okay to have more pain than usual with the fibro, it was better to do it. (My current flare started on Wed due to weather changes verses gym changes.  30 degree change in a day knocks me flat on my ass every time)

5. Small Changes.  Okay so the French would probably not be into us eating the same thing practically every night as we've been doing.  So I just looked up some crockpot recipes to jazz things up on my Tues/Thurs which is my longest night.  We just got a cleaning service because with both of us working 40+ hours a week, it was becoming ridic.  A cleaning service will also keep us on top of things they don't do - decluttering, laundry, etc.  I'm tired of our tea kettles always getting gross.  I just ordered an electric kettle (and some fancy tea and okay, another French aspirational book because again, emotional cutter).  

6. Petition the right gods and spirits.  I'm working on a project that might bring me closer to the right spirit/Egregor but it's still in its baby stages.  In the interim, consider Durga.  Durga may not be overly invested in your weight loss per se, but She can relate to a person wanting to be as pretty, charming and smart as She is.  Puja and mala work works for this.

7. How Important Is This to You?  Really.  I keep crying and whining about being fat, not tending to my inner garden (the French are apparently big on this), not feeling sexy, etc., etc.  But what am I doing?  To the French, it's apparently more important to look good than to eat that donut.  So I'm going to change my eating habits and try to think more about what I'm eating and why.  Daytime eating tends to be boring anyway so I have a new plan for that.  I'm also going to cut down on snacks.  I am a huge snacker.  The French don't do that.  So . . .we'll see.


Rufus Opus said...

I've done a lot of weight loss magic over the last 6 years, some effective, some not so much. I aimed for stuff that changes my metabolism slightly so I burn more without having to exercise. It peters out without maintenance, and is potentially risky.

I've done Mars rites for self discipline, to turn me into a lean mean fighting machine, and that didn't work. I don't deal well with Drill Instructor spirits giving me shit about what I'm eating.

The most effective thing I've found is your number 7. I lose weight every time I decide it's more important than eating or whatever else I'm doing instead of exercising when scheduled. Magically, the things that help me get there are the regularly scheduled maintenance rites that keep me consciously aware that I am a creator-god all the time, creating either something I want, or something I don't want.

I'd cross Jupiter off the list of helpful gods for weight loss. The Health he brings is the zaftig kind of health. Robust, not fit.

Scylla said...

1: Apatite - it's a stone. I take the stone and I consecrated it with all the good Juju like "Give me the energetic boost I need to stay active. Make me conscious of when I am and am not actually hungry. Help me make better decisions when I -am- hungry."

2: Petitioned the right god/dess from my own pantheon. Limos is not a good option - you'll eat your own hands. Demeter is not a good option - you'll turn into a dirigible from a bread binge. I don't want to be a supermodel - I want to be athletic, with some ass still on me. Who do I turn to? Sekhmet.

3: Make exercise part of devotional work. After all, the body is a temple, and if one does possessional work, it is also Their flesh from time to time. I wanted them to know that it would be able to handle the strain. Treat it no differently than dancing toward ecstasis.

4: Do not allow yourself to get caught in the "I don't know when my next meal will be" mindset. Your next meal will be whenever you walk to the fridge, or a gas station, or fast food place and get something. There's no NEED to eat "now", because there is no question that you'll eat "later".

All of this worked. It worked extremely well. I was down 40lbs. But I slipped up on that last one after getting out of a tight-money situation... and gained way more than 40 back.

petoskystone said...

I can certainly relate to #4. Exercise, while unpleasant (what with the degenerative arthritis in the knees) helps *a great deal* with getting my lungs working properly. Plus which, if it's something like walking in place (Not graceful enough to try jogging in place on mini-trampoline)or using the glider, I can zip out into a light meditative state.

Gordon said...

My recollection of the conversation was that some really crazy magical target selections were mooted... let's not say by whom *cough* me *cough* that would potentially ruin both our lives.

And that's when I realised my weight-issues issues are bigger than my weight issues. :)

Then we both grew... hopefully just metaphorically.

Anonymous said...

It's curious that you mention French parenting attitudes. My wife is forcing me to read "French Children Don't Throw Food", but I'm not sure I have the patience for it :-)

Having simple rules such as described in Paul McKenna's "I Can Make You Thin" helped me lose some weight. My magical approach was mainly to focus on bolstering my will.

~ Mari said...

thank you.

Deborah Castellano said...

@ RO - Thank you for sharing your experiences, it really helps to hear. And I totes agree with you w/r/t #7. I'm trying to focus most of my will there when I am not focusing on not strangling small children who continually kick me in the tit and refuse to sleep.

@ Scylla - Thank you, I've never heard of apatite. I just ordered some :) So true about Demeter! And I really like your ideas about exercise as devotion. I do get caught in the "I don't know when my next meal will be"! and it's the dumbest thing ever because um yeah I do.

@ petoskystone - I like the idea of multitasking two things I hate!

@ Gordon - It was a learning moment. And a moment best saved for our memoirs. ;) Btdubs, write me back!

@ Simon - Yessssss that book has been making the mommy rounds. I've been reading about it! And focusing my will on bolstering my will is a good idea :)

@ Mari - Any time!

MG Ellington said...

How is this going for you?

I need to work on the appearance thing more. I should add more makeup to my daily.

I am doing more food preparation and looking at it as some kind of honor or gratitude. I am taking care to prepare something I will enjoy eating. I am thinking about what the foods will do for me. I am learning to be thankful for this and working to plan it all out better and not waste anything.

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